Merry, Merry Month of May
More than Flowers and Fish
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| Head Fake! |
My last my post, which I considered the best thing I've ever written (not a high bar I suppose) was apparently kinda heavy for some folks. It wasn't intended it that way, I thought of it as a general reflection about life in modern America (which, I agree is kind of a downer today.) Nonetheless, I vowed then that I would deliver a more positive post this time and true to my word, I am - here is an upbeat ode to the upcoming month of May.
Well, sort of about May. Okay, it's mostly about golf. I thought saying it's about May might lure in more "Unfortunates" (what we in the vast golf community call non-golfers.) I am confident that when I show the intimate details of golf to those who are uneducated in the game, they will gain a whole new, positive appreciation for the Sport of the Gods. Prepare to be impressed! It does start with May.
May is a wonderful month. It glides confidently in after a capricious April and starts with the vernal joy of May Day. (I would share the sad story of a 10 yr old Dear Leader's first and only experience of giving a May basket to the girl of my dreams but the pain is still too great. Sigh.) Then the month ends with the quiet dignity of Memorial Day and all that encompasses. My focus here, however, is on what happens in between those dates. No, not Mother's Day or the orgy of boat trailers heading north (conveniently on the same weekend.) No, something of true importance. With apologies to mothers and fisher-people, it means the start of earnest golf.
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| Golf as viewed by Unfortunates |
(As Mrs Dear Leader often says - through clenched teeth - “Must everything come back to golf?” Well of course it does! And I am hopeful that you will come to agree with her after reading this perky post.)
And yes, there is golf in Minnesota before May. In fact, thanks to the lack of snow in the winter here the last couple years I – and many other daft golfers (an oxymoron?) - have played in Every. Single. Month. I won’t lie and say it’s great golf, it’s still cold; you need a hammer to put a tee in the ground - but for us poor sad golfers stuck here in winter, it’s close enough. Ah, but May is when we duffers get serious! Tired of wearing shorts on the 50-degree April days (while pretending we’re not freezing) we rejoice as the calendar rolls gently into May. But what is it that attracts even people with a normal IQ to such a fickle mistress like golf?
Let me count the ways.
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| Golfer in May |
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First, golf is very egalitarian, it doesn’t care if you’re male or
female, white, black, yellow, or green – it treats you equally. On your very
best days, from one hole to the next, it can turn on you like a rabid pit
bull. Then, while you are still weeping and cursing, you hit a magnificent
shot to restore your tattered confidence. (Falsely, of course, but let’s stay
upbeat.) |
Yes, it is a very difficult game. You can achieve high levels of competence but it requires a lot of practice just to reach the basic levels - so much so that most of us just talk about needing more practice rather than actually doing it - however you will never master it. But golf is fair. Bad luck, called "rub of the green" is balanced by good. (Good luck is rarer so there is no clever name for it.) Hey, just like life!
On a positive note, very few jerks play the game for that same reason, it’s just too damn humbling. I know, the Name That Shall Not Be Mentioned is an avid golfer (the tubby, cheating cretin) and is kind of the exception to the rule but I choose to think of it as his only redeeming value. See how positive I can be?!
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| Sometimes difficult decisions on priorities must be made |
Did I mention lady golfers? Yes, sadly, many more women are taking up our beloved sport. I say sadly not out of any sense of chauvinism - they are much better to play alongside than some testosterone-laden goofs - but because of my deep concern for them. Now we may see women more stressed, anxious and angry. (Please, no snark.) Ladies, don't say I didn't warn you.
Another thing that draws otherwise normal people to golf is the fact that it is a very social game. Walking or riding together in a cart for 4 hours offers the opportunity to get to know your playing partner better. Of course, if they do turn out to be a jerk it might seem like 8 hours. But even if that’s the case then fortunately, like bowling, billiards, darts and horseshoes, golf is one of the few sports that you can drink while doing. Is that a great game or what?!
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| I've always thought guys that wear long pants in warm weather are jerks but that's just me |
Perhaps best of all, golf is a sport that one can play long into their dotage (some people may not think it’s a sport but if stock car driving is a sport then so is golf.) I know that I look forward to still be playing when I get old like so many of my friends. (What?! I know what you are thinking and that’s very mean of you!) I have a buddy that is 90 and plays pretty darn well. (It is a little cumbersome when he puts the oxygen tank and walker in the cart but what heck.)
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| There are golfers so cheap they will wrestle an alligator for their $2 ball. Don't be that golfer. |
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| Golfer in August |
So, that is my perky, positive ode to May, springtime and, of course, golf. I’m pretty sure many of you will now want to rush out tomorrow and take up the sport.
Wait, on second thought, we really don’t need more people taking those precious tee times and driving up prices at the courses. Instead, consider taking that wonderful trip up north - and for Pete’s sake, spend more time with your kids . . . or your parents!
Also, have a wonderful May and great summer.
Music to put a spring in your step (Tell me these don't put you in the mood for lovely May weather.)
59th St Bridge Song Simon and Garfunkel (May 1967, Park Point, Duluth MN)
Jean Oliver
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