Now I know how the Inca’s may have felt. Or the Hittites. Or even those stone worshipping people on New Guinea – sheesh. 

The life and society I have lived is being buried. First, you take away a man’s beer like Budweiser and replace it with Moose Drool or something equally stupid. Then you make him wear lycra shorts and a helmet to go for a bike ride. Isn’t that enough?  Apparently not and now they’ve gone too far; they’re stealing my childhood food.

Listen to this (From Sept 15 Star Tribune Food section): ” Delicately spiced pork shoulder defies it’s bologna shape; its thinly sliced, warmed and slightly scorched on the stove, cloaked with Gruyere and sharp cheddar and tucked into a toasted and buttered roll.” All for only $11. This is the modern replacement for the good old bologna, Wonder Bread and chunk - of - cheddar cheese sandwich. Really.

First, if you even know what Gruyere cheese is I don’t want anything to do with you!  Next, why would anyone do this? Can you imagine your mom saying, when you come in from a morning of playing ball with your buddies (without a single adult interaction), “Come on, honey, it's almost done, I’m just slightly scorching your pork shoulder and Gruyere sandwich. I’ll get the sugar free kool aid and low salt chips in a second.” Yeah.

Thanks, mom, but could I just have a hotdog? “Sure, dear, I’ll get your Limousin beef dog blanketed with a barrage of Asian inspirations: tangy kimshi, yuzu fruit mayonnaise, avocado, chopped egg, charred shishito peppers, pickled ginger. . .” Limousin beef?! Fruity mayonnaise? First, I only use Miracle Whip and second, NEVER on a hot dog. (Although I do put it on my bologna sandwich - and almost everything else.) I’ve got your shishito right here!  

Well, can’t screw up dessert, right? How about S’Mores? Sure, as long as it’s “a light, spongy graham cake indulged with chocolate cremeux (fancy word for pudding) with picture perfect pillows of meringue marshmallows strategically placed around the artful plate.” Picture perfect pillows. . . huh. That will NOT look good on the camp fire. Is nothing sacred!?

You know, it’s okay if all stores have to be "upscale." It’s also fine if we only build “upper end” homes and apartments. It’s even okay if no hip person would be caught dead going to a regular restaurant. (Gotta be a trendy joint that serves this kind of stuff – and covered with kale, no doubt. Yuck.) But this is going too far! Taking the remnants of my youth and trashing it by charging $11 dollars for a bologna and cheese sandwich (replacement), well, that’s just too much. 

I guess this is a not too subtle reminder that I might be just a bit out of step with the times and need to go gently into that good night (on the town at Olive Garden.)

Move it on over, Inca’s, a big old dog is movin’ in! 

Labor Day Lament

When you think about Labor Day what comes to mind? That's right, probably something like the image above. Well, I propose that it's time to rethink Labor Day: why do we need one? 

It appears that few of us actually labor anymore. No, that's not exactly right. We still work hard it's just that what we do doesn't seem like work. No, that's not right either. Work is work - it's what you do to make a living, support your family and sometimes even enjoy. Today, however, it's often hard to tell what it is we really do. I mean, most of us (okay, not me, I REALLY don't do much!) don't do work that actually makes stuff; that's either been outsourced or an immigrant (legal or otherwise) or a robot does it now. We do, however, attend meetings, work from home, create spreadsheets, analyze stuff for someone and create clever things that we can post pictures on or share what we're having for dinner. Oh yeah, and also drive people around in our car - cool!  All very important no doubt but not exactly City of Broad Shoulders or Rosie the Riveter; it's Allen the App maker now! So while we are indeed working it just doesn't SEEM like . . . labor. 

Disclaimer: I am not now nor have I ever been a union member or fellow traveler. I’m neither for nor against, I just haven’t been in a job that was unionized. I bring this up because unions have also kind of been central to Labor Day. 

Today about ten percent of all workers are unionized, not that long ago over thirty percent were members (although it seemed like more.) Then the economy changed. Apparently companies no longer needed the high priced labor skills of union members. In industry after industry, union members were implored to give up a little “somethin' somethin' " for the company. Look no further than the Allina nurses today. Or the folks on the iron range. Or the auto workers. I know, I know, it’s the workers own fault for not understanding how difficult business is today. Apparently, today's poor CEOs just don’t have a lot of options (excluding stock options, of course) to assure the company survives except by “right sizing” their work force and getting rid of benefits. And, of course, most companies don’t even have unions anymore. (By the way, these things are related.)

WalMart doesn't need unionized people. Starbucks doesn’t need unions. Uber doesn't want unions. Yard care services don’t need no stinking unions. Investment bankers certainly don’t need unions nor do all those non-healthcare workers at health insurance companies.

These are just some recent examples of the irrelevance of unions and, by extension, labor. For now, we need to face the fact that work is being “redefined” for us and there’s just no place for actual labor in the labor/capital equation. (I wonder if the economists who tell us this is all a good thing will get their jobs redefined too.) We are told that we don’t need workers, we need “intellectual capital” and “creative thinkers” for our service economy -which, given the state of education in this country, is not a comforting thought. Clearly this will work great for the vast majority of workers in our society. (That, by the way, is called sarcasm.) So forget unions unless you are a government worker - who, ironically, probably needs them the least.

This provides the perfect rationale for canceling Labor Day.

If we don’t really need labor and we don’t really need labor unions then why do we need a so-called Labor Day? In fact, it strikes me that this celebration is basically a giant rip off perpetrated by those greedy workers against all the poor corporations of this country, large and small who, by the way, are now “people” according to the Supreme Court. To them it's just another non-working, no profit day.

As I think about it, there are a lot other things that we could do to help our companies in this regard. For example, as part of the intellectual capital of the country, why do we only work an average of 50 hours a week for the same pay as 20 years ago? Our grandparents worked 70 hours a week for a lot less and were just happy to have a job! And think what we could do for shareholder value if we got rid of some of those other pesky benefits (that by and large, unions gave us.) I mean, do we really need TWO days off on the weekend? Or paid overtime? It’s not like we’re really working anymore anyway. Or how about vacation days? Apparently workers are getting way too many since most never use them all - and when they do they're answering emails and calls anyway. 

What about some of those other benefits, like holidays? Does anyone really remember anything on Memorial Day? Nah. Presidents Day? This year's candidates certainly make me want to celebrate! Veterans Day? As if that helps the vets. Even Christmas Day - whatever happened to separation of church and state? What a waste of time that could be better spent on the job. And how about those pensions and health care benefits … oh, never mind, they've already been taken care of.

So here's my modest proposal: Let’s just forget Labor Day and get on with the business of America which is… hmmm, I forget.

Have a productive Labor Day and listen to this:

Billy Joel Allentown

Thank you for reading. I hope you will take a few minutes to read some of my earlier words of wisdom (?) and maybe even bookmark the site so you can visit often - you never know when I will post some you might find interesting!