Now I know how the Inca’s may have felt. Or the Hittites. Or
even those stone worshipping people on New Guinea – sheesh.
The life and
society I have lived is being buried. First, you take away a man’s beer like
Budweiser and replace it with Moose Drool or something equally stupid. Then you
make him wear lycra shorts and a helmet to go for a bike ride. Isn’t that
enough? Apparently not and now they’ve
gone too far; they’re stealing my childhood food.
Listen to this (From Sept 15 Star Tribune Food section): ” Delicately
spiced pork shoulder defies it’s bologna shape; its thinly sliced, warmed and
slightly scorched on the stove, cloaked with Gruyere and sharp cheddar and
tucked into a toasted and buttered roll.” All for only $11. This is the modern
replacement for the good old bologna, Wonder Bread and chunk - of - cheddar
cheese sandwich. Really.
First, if you even know what Gruyere cheese is I don’t want
anything to do with you! Next, why would
anyone do this? Can you imagine your mom saying, when you come in from a
morning of playing ball with your buddies (without a single adult interaction),
“Come on, honey, it's almost done, I’m just slightly scorching your pork shoulder and Gruyere
sandwich. I’ll get the sugar free kool aid and low salt chips in a second.”
Yeah.
Thanks, mom, but could I just have a hotdog? “Sure, dear, I’ll
get your Limousin beef dog blanketed with a barrage of Asian inspirations: tangy
kimshi, yuzu fruit mayonnaise, avocado, chopped egg, charred shishito peppers,
pickled ginger. . .” Limousin beef?! Fruity mayonnaise? First, I only use
Miracle Whip and second, NEVER on a hot dog. (Although I do put it on my
bologna sandwich - and almost everything else.) I’ve got your shishito right
here!
Well, can’t screw up dessert, right? How about S’Mores?
Sure, as long as it’s “a light, spongy graham cake indulged with chocolate cremeux
(fancy word for pudding) with picture perfect pillows of meringue marshmallows strategically
placed around the artful plate.” Picture perfect pillows. . . huh. That will NOT
look good on the camp fire. Is nothing sacred!?
You know, it’s okay if all stores have to be "upscale." It’s also
fine if we only build “upper end” homes and apartments. It’s even okay if no hip
person would be caught dead going to a regular restaurant. (Gotta be a trendy
joint that serves this kind of stuff – and covered with kale, no doubt. Yuck.) But this is going too far! Taking the remnants of my youth
and trashing it by charging $11 dollars for a bologna and cheese sandwich
(replacement), well, that’s just too much.
I guess this is a not too subtle
reminder that I might be just a bit out of step with the times and need to go
gently into that good night (on the town at Olive Garden.)
Move it on over, Inca’s, a big old dog is movin’ in!
Comments
Post a Comment