The Lament for August

One of the Saddest Months? 

That's me in the blue shirt 

First a big thank you! My last post regarding the Constitution had among the most readers of any one in my many years of posting. There must have been some serious sharing and I greatly appreciate it.

And now for something completely different . . .

What is that I smell in the August air? Could it be Pronto Pups and cheese curds? Yes, the State Fair must be just around the corner! (And with it the first hint of winter?) Sorry, let’s not get ahead of ourselves, there’s enough time to lament the cold scourge coming for us Minnesotan's. First, let’s talk about one of my least favorite months of the year (and coincidentally the second consecutive one named after a Roman emperor.)

Why is that you may ask (but probably shouldn’t?) Well, let me tell you how summer goes. 

First is lovely May; nice weather and no bugs. Then June, the first real month of summer. The weather is (usually) very pleasant, flowers in full bloom and the smell of newly cut green grass. Then July comes along and we really crank up the activities outside, 4th of July, the weather is nice and warm - the heart of summer with everybody smiling. Then, slowly the calendar turns and step by step . . .

We start to get tired of hot, muggy weather. As the month wears on, mowing the grass becomes more and more of a pain in the arse. We are picnicked out, kids are bored, lakes turn yucky - and we start to look forward to the cool breezes of September. (While trying to forget the first hint of colored leaves.)

Then, of course, summer is over and it's winter solstice here we come.

In an effort to generate some sympathy and love for August, let us look at some interesting factoids about this desultory month - with helpful comments by moi.

August 1, 1944 - Anne Frank penned her last entry into her diary. Three days later, Anne and her family were arrested and sent to Nazi concentration camps. Anne died at Bergen-Belsen concentration camp on March 15, 1945, at age 15. There are some people who feel that the book, “Anne Frank’s Diary,” should be banned. (Too depressing? To explicit? Only in America.) Those people should be banned!  If you go to Amsterdam the Anne Frank House is a must see.

Anne Frank House - Eight people hid on the top floors of the annex indoors for two freaking years before being ratted out and killed.

Birthday - Star-Spangled Banner author Francis Scott Key (1779-1843) was born in Frederick County, Maryland. Some years later he wrote the poem originally entitled Defense of Fort McHenry which became the U.S. National Anthem in 1931. Little did he know that The Star Spangled Banner would turn into a song so stinking difficult to sing that it would embarrass many great singers at the start of countless football games (and apparently some drunk ones too.)

Birthday - Moby Dick author Herman Melville (1819-1891) was born in New York. I guess they had a whale of party for little Herman! (I'm sorry, that's uncalled for and I don't have a leg to stand on for an excuse.) 

August 2, 1776 - In Philadelphia, most of the 55 members of the Continental Congress signed the parchment copy of the Declaration of Independence. Hey, wait a minute, wait a minute - MOST signed? Also, we've been shooting off fireworks a month too early?!

August 2, 1939 - Albert Einstein wrote a letter to President Franklin D. Roosevelt concerning the possibility of atomic weapons. "A single bomb of this type carried by boat and exploded in a port, might very well destroy the whole port together with some of the surrounding territory." Einstein, known for understatement, just said: E=mc squared 

Most of us would say, Holy $#@t, it's a REALLY big bomb!

August 3, 1492 - Christopher Columbus set sail from Palos, Spain, with three ships, Nina, Pinta and Santa Maria. Seeking a westerly route to the Far East, he instead landed on October 12th in the Bahamas, thinking it was an outlying Japanese island. The folks in the Bahamas REALLY wished he had landed in Japan.

Birthday - Gray Panthers founder Maggie Kuhn (1905-1995) was born in Buffalo, New York. After she was forced into mandatory retirement at age 65, she founded the Gray Panthers organization to fight age discrimination and succeeded in the banning of mandatory retirement in most professions. Sadly, this was taken to heart by countless American politicians.

August 4

Birthday - Barack Obama the 44th U.S. President was born in Honolulu, Hawaii, in 1961. Yeah, right, like he’s really an American citizen.

(19 years later, Dear Leader's daughter no. 2 is born and a real citizen she is! Happy Birthday, MKP!)

 

"Don’t tax you. Don’t tax me. Tax the guy behind the tree."        LA Sen. Russell Long

August 5, 1861 - President Abraham Lincoln signed into law the first Federal income tax, a 3 percent tax on incomes over $800 Thus began whining by millionaires about taxation without owning representatives.

August 5, 2011 - Standard & Poor’s credit rating agency downgraded the United States debt from its highest rating of AAA to a lesser AA+ rating, marking the first-ever decline of credit worthiness for the U.S. The agency cited America’s $14 trillion in outstanding debt and ineffective political leadership regarding debt reduction. Ha ha ha, we laugh at $14 trillion today. Our political leadership is so much better - now it's $35 trillion!

August 6, 1965 - The Voting Rights Act of 1965 was signed into law by President Lyndon B. Johnson. The Act suspended literacy, knowledge and character tests designed to keep African Americans from voting in the South. Almost 60 years later, a Supreme Court ruling said this act was no longer necessary in southern states. Trust them, they also fixed Roe V Wade and Presidential immunity.

Birthday - Penicillin discoverer Alexander Fleming (1881-1955) was born in Lochfield, Scotland. Many GIs later heaved a great sigh of relief.

August 7, 1964 - Following an attack on two U.S. destroyers in the Gulf of Tonkin off North Vietnam, the U.S. Congress approved the Gulf of Tonkin Resolution, granting President Lyndon B. Johnson authority "to take all necessary measures to repel any armed attack against the forces of the United States. The beginning of 1st "police action" and destination in a land far, far away in Dear Leader's military career. (Not to mention costing over 58,000 American lives.)

August 7, 1990 - Just five days after the Iraqi invasion of Kuwait, President George H. W. Bush ordered Desert Shield, a massive military buildup to prevent further Iraqi advances. 3rd – and final - Dear Leader police action. How about that for symmetry?! (2nd police action occurred in Panama in January of same year, so a twofer.)

      "Do you think this hat makes me look silly?"              "Of course not, dear" (Good answer!)

Birthday - International spy Mata Hari (1876-1917) was born (as Margaret Gertrude Zelle) in Leewarden, Netherlands. Arrested by the French in 1917 as a German spy, she was tried, convicted and sentenced to death. At her execution, she refused a blindfold and instead threw a kiss to the French firing squad. Sacr'e bleu, now zat is hutzpah!

August 8, 1945 - Soviet Russia declared war on Japan and sent troops into Japanese-held Manchuria. Very brave of them – right after the second atom bomb.

August 9, 1974 - Effective at noon, Richard M. Nixon resigned the presidency as a result of the Watergate scandal. Facing possible impeachment by Congress, he became the only U.S. President ever to resign. Today he might be slapped on the back by his party and encouraged to stay on.

August 11, 1841 - Frederick Douglass, an escaped slave, spoke before an audience in the North for the first time. During an anti-slavery convention on Nantucket Island, he gave a powerful, emotional account of his life as a slave. He was immediately asked to become a full-time lecturer for the Massachusetts Antislavery Society. For some reason he did not give any speeches south of New York.

Grace Kelly

Eva Marie Saint

                    









                                                                                                      

 

                                                                                               

Tippi Hedren

 

Janet Leigh

Birthday - British film director Alfred Hitchcock (1899-1980) was born in London. His suspenseful films included classics such as The 39 Steps, Rebecca, Suspicion, Notorious, Rear Window, The Birds, Psycho and Frenzy, in addition to his American TV series Alfred Hitchcock Presents. Just four of many - apparently old Al really preferred blonds. 

August 14, 1935 - President Roosevelt signed the Social Security Act establishing the system which guarantees pensions to those who retire at age 65. Of course people died long before that back then - and some Republicans still think it’s a stupid idea.

Just imagine, many of these folks are sitting in a nursing home today trying to revisit this

August 15, 1969 - Woodstock began in a field near Yasgur's Farm at Bethel, New York. The three-day concert featured 24 rock bands and drew a crowd of more than 300,000 young people. Apparently, all were properly dressed, well behaved, and just enjoyed the music. Okay, with an occasional beer. And a joint. Naked. In the mud. 

August 16, 1977 - Elvis Presley was pronounced dead at the Memphis Baptist Hospital at 3:30 p.m., at age 42. A shame, his life went right down the toilet. (Again, sorry, I was just so flush with excitement to share.) 

August 17, 1998- Bill Clinton became the first sitting President to give testimony and then appeared on national television and gave a speech admitting he had engaged in an improper relationship with former White House intern Monica Lewinsky. Then impeached, how quaint (and certainly the equal of trying to overturn an election, right?) 

Geez, I knew we shouldn't have ordered Mexican

Birthday - American frontiersman Davy Crockett (1786-1836) was born in Hawkins County, Tennessee. He perished at age 49 during the final heroic defense of the Alamo in Texas. He is said to have yelled out, “Man oh man, why did I remember the Alamo?!"

August 18, 1920 - The 19th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution was ratified, granting women the right to vote. The vote was very close. 89 Representatives and 25 Senators voted against it. Allegedly "Lysistrata" soon became a household word in 114 households. (I knew World Lit 101 would come in handy some day.)

BTW only REAL American women won the right to vote – white women.

August 19, 1934 - In Germany, a plebiscite was held in which 89.9 percent of German voters approved granting Chancellor Adolf Hitler additional powers, including the office of president. Gee, that sounds like a great idea – let’s do that here! Oh, that's right, SCOTUS is already trying.

Birthday - Bill Clinton, the 42nd U.S. President was born in Hope, Arkansas, August 19, 1946. He was the first President elected who was not alive during World War II. The first in a long line of “great” babyboomer presidents. As noted, he was also the first president (to be caught) doing something naughty in the White House.

August 21, 1959 - President Dwight D, Eisenhower signed a proclamation admitting Hawaii to the Union as the 50th state. Whew, lucky for Obama!

August 24, 1572 - Thousands of Protestant Huguenots were massacred in Paris and throughout France by Catholics, in what became known as the St. Bartholomew's Day Massacre. Obviously, those Huguenots made a big mistake; they were the wrong kind of Christian i.e. Protestants.

Birthday - American conductor and composer Leonard Bernstein (1918-1990) was born in Lawrence, Massachusetts. Considered one of the finest conductors in American music history. 

     Lizzy, I've just met a girl named Lizzy . . . 

Say it loud and it's a crowd cheering, 

Say it soft and it's a putt I am fearing 

(Yes, everything comes back to golf.)

Birthday - American inventor Lee De Forest (1873-1961) was born at Council Bluffs, Iowa. He held hundreds of patents for inventions and was also a pioneer in the creation of wireless radio broadcasting and television. Iowa - always with the troublemakers.In a way you can blame him for the Kardashians, Big Brother, The Bachelor, and other reality shows

Birthday - Mother Teresa (1910-1997) was born (as Agnes Gonxha Bojaxhiu) in Skopje, Yugoslavia. She founded a religious order of nuns in Calcutta, India, called the Missionaries of Charity and spent her life working to help the poor and sick of India. Despite all the good things she was responsible for, apparently she was personally one of the worst people in the world. Isn't life strange?

August 28, 1963 - The March on Washington occurred as over 250,000 attended a Civil Rights rally in Washington, D.C., at which Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. made his now-famous I Have a Dream speech. Almost matched on Jan 6, 2021 when thousands of proud patriots were encouraged to go visit the Capital and see if they could hang the Vice President.

Where wolf?

Birthday - Frankenstein author Mary Shelley (1797-1851) was born in London. Much later the sequel, "Young Frankenstein" was born and young men everywhere memorized many lines from the movie. Abbey. . .normal, anyone?

August 31, 1997 - Britain's Princess Diana died at age 36 from massive internal injuries suffered in a high-speed car crash, reportedly after being pursued by photographers. No Joke, what a stupid way to die - who knew that goofs with cameras could be so dangerous?

I'm sure you're sorry to see it end but that concludes this month's brief history and pop culture lesson. 

History is full of what Malcolm Gladwell calls “tipping points.” Those are, “the moment of critical mass, the threshold, the boiling point." After which massive change occurs. There were such times right before the Civil War, WWI, the Great Depression, WWII, and perhaps with the internet too. If you look at some of the things that happened just in the month of August you can see how many of them were followed by change, maybe not massive but definitely important change. I would suggest that we are facing such a point soon and as with every other tipping point, it could change everything for better - or for worse.

For now, enjoy the remaining warm, decent weather. Don't even think about what's coming in quick succession: state fair, the autumn equinox, bagging leaves, Halloween, the election (ugh), Thanksgiving, and then greatest day of the year, the winter solstice, and of course Christmas. So don't worry about old Dear Leader, just go ahead and enjoy your August, I'll be fine. . .

(93 days until the election.)

A little Augustian music. . .

First Day in August     Carole King


Cold Wind in August     Van Morrison

Time to Say Goodbye

 

"Avoid Becoming an Act of Force and Not of Right . . ." 

A Time to Say Goodbye

This is not what I wanted to post today but it is what I thought I had to. We have so many issues to deal with in our country but I think this is one we will really need to face in the near future.

I take no pleasure in this post. I spent 28 years in the military ostensibly defending the Constitution and being proud of that, I gotta say this is really uncomfortable.

We, the Supreme Court, beg to differ

That being said, I’m sorry old friend, but it’s finally time to say goodbye. You’ve been around for centuries yet it seems like just yesterday that our best and brightest sat down in a hot, stuffy building in Philadelphia and glued you together from a bunch of mismatched pieces. You have been through wars, depressions, good times and bad. You helped as we went from a small backwater country to the most powerful nation in the world. Your genius was in being almost a gymnast in your flexibility as we’ve molded you over the years to allow our country to move forward into a modern world.

Look, it's not all your fault. Some of your flaws, like not seeing that politicians would stay in office for forty years; the “unique” phraseology of the 2^nd amendment; that the elector’s system would become a political poison pill, were unpredictable over two hundred years ago. The Founding Fathers were not clairvoyant and we have made it work - until now.

Yes, we made it work but finally your stubborn vernacular and vague descriptions have met their match with something called “textualism.” I don’t really understand it either but apparently there are people who claim to know exactly what you meant when you were written 236 years ago. And yes, it’s just their opinion but there you have it. I’m sorry, but now you have to go. 

Ever since John Marshall cleverly used your own words to give the Supreme Court the power to interpret you, boy, have you been interpreted! Political parties have run the country since you were born and have taken turns appointing judges that are supposed to be the smartest, least biased in the land. Of course, humans being humans, some have been better than others. Not every decision has been perfect or even desirable but I think they got the most important things right; we’ve been able to make you work so that you could keep up with our society and we could keep up in today's world. 

Admittedly many of the great advances we made in the last hundred years, advances that were generally good for most of the people, took some liberties with original concepts of the 18^th century. That’s only natural, however, since the country doesn’t remotely resemble that original little nest of colonies, not in size, diversity, complexity or culture. 

Until now that is. Those same parties are now responsible for your looming retirement. Well, just one of the parties in this case but you get it; we’ve finally run out of luck. Six black robed jurists, a super majority, have chosen to interpret you in a way that nakedly reverses progress made by earlier courts with judgements that are certain to damage American lives now and in the future. 

As you know, one can make words say whatever they want - and these justices are making you sing a very sad song.

Civil, human and voting rights? Gutted. Women’s healthcare rights? Gutted. Homelessness? A crime. Effective regulation of environment, food and drugs? Gone. Chance for minorities to catch up in education and jobs? Gone. Separation of church and state? On its way out. And this is just a partial list.

Ah, but presidential power? Suddenly king-like. (And for a most unworthy role model.) Wouldn’t the founding fathers be pleased to see that their war to cast off kings was all for nothing, ironically because of an interpretation of their constitution?

Perhaps they would be happy after all. The whole point of their constitution was to keep government small and intentionally cumbersome. And, of course, they didn’t even want the common man to vote for the president thus the electoral college. You, my friend, were created by the elite of the times and you are now returning to your roots.

There is no way (I hope) that 330 million people are going to stand by and watch their modern country turned into a backward hellhole. We must at least try try to remove so much opportunity for "interpretive abuse.” It's time to think the unthinkable; we must either update or replace you.  In today's America there is no painless way to do this but we need to start the conversation. If not, the consequences are unthinkable. 

Perhaps things would be different if we had paid attention to that "radical leftist" Thomas Jefferson who said in a letter to James Madison, a main author of the Constitution, "The earth belongs ... to the living, and the dead have neither power nor rights over it." Meaning that you should change or evolve over time to reflect new generations. In a later letter again to Madison, Jefferson believed “. . . that constitutions expire after 19 years and must be renewed to avoid becoming "an act of force and not of right."

"Avoid becoming an act of force and not of right . . ."

Ah, dear friend, what could have been if Madison – and we – had listened to old Tom.

 (114 Days until the election)

Father's Day and Other Summer Delights

 

Dads and June

Yes, I know, Dear Leader offering another light hearted post? Just remember, this is an election year and there will be plenty of time for crappy serious stuff so don't get overly giddy.

Schools out - No more pencils, No more books
No more teacher's dirty looks!*

If May is the prelude what then is June? Flag Day, Juneteenth, Father's Day and the Summer Solstice. And just the beginning of summer.

Now I know what you’re thinking. You are expecting either my usual whining about how little recognition we fathers get or how the solstice is the end of summer and beginning of our slippery slope to winter. While both are true, I am going to break out of my predictable rut to bring sunshine and warm breezes to you.  I'm going to write about all the positive things that June and summer bring. Or at least try. Let us start with this.

June is the gateway to the full monty * of a Minnesota summer. As a counter to the sadness of owning the solstice, June has the honor of the longest days of the year (in the northern hemisphere.) With that, you must admit that June carries a sense of great possibilities that other months don’t. June, and Summer in general, to me is the like the dawn after a long. restless night. By that I mean that wakeful thoughts at night often drift into the darker corners of our mind (it’s not just me, is it?) but which are thankfully - or usually - chased away by that silver glow in the eastern sky. In the same way, winter and its short days, long nights and maddening cold often brings out the worst in us. Then, like day break, summer chases away all those gloomy feelings and offers a magical optimism; both make everything look better.

Mrs Dear Leader's red phase

Of course, then there are the flowers and lush greenery (really lush and really green this year during our onging monsoon season.) Speaking of flowers. Like our ancient ancestors, we all live for the return of the sun and the seasonal routines it brings. Perhaps no one is more driven than avid gardeners like Mrs Dear Leader. Long before Mother’s Day she and other gardeners, like prairie dogs, start poking their heads up looking for ideas for their flower beds. Then, when it is safe to plant - which is hopefully before the 4^th of July - they invade Bachman’s and every other flower store like sailors making port after 6 months at sea (and with a very similar enthusiasm.) 

Now, in June, when we begin to see the rewards of their labors we are reminded why we live in Minnesota. (And winter is officially forgotten.)

June can be a little stormy (weather, not the woman) but hasn’t yet assumed the sauna-like qualities of July and August. Then there are all the art fairs and festivals – sorry, already missed Rhubarb Days but coming soon are Judy Garland Days, Potato Days and Kolacky Days – that require only tank tops and flip flops to enjoy rather than a parka and mukluks. And, of course, farmers markets on every corner,  camping trips and boat rides and Twins games. (Okay, fine, and soccer for you scarf-wearing, horn-blowing Euro-weirdos.)

Perhaps best of all is the feeling that time really does slow down. On a June day there is time to play golf, take a bath, sit outside and have a cocktail on the patio with a neighbor - and Prudie - and still have golden light in the west. The downside is going to bed with it still light out.

I would be remiss if I didn’t mention the two main events of June.

Hey, Og, sun appear in a different place - get ready for winter!

There is the solstice. Ah, the summer solstice. Sorry, I still can’t think of anything good about it. Unlike the winter solstice, which besides signaling the beginning of the end of winter has the panache of having a whole bunch of religions and festivals hopping on its celestial bandwagon. Poor summer is what, the maître d’ to the 4^th July? Whoopee.

Then, of course, there is dad's day.

Philosophically, I am not incorrect in my self-deprecating humor about Father's Day. Compared to Mother's Day, ours is basically . . . an average Tuesday. And that’s okay. Like the male peacock (or pretty much the male of every other species) we get to strut around every day in our manly maleness and pretend to be the grand fromage.* Those few of us with at least a semblance of self-awareness know and understand, however, that the females of our species are the ones that grease the wheels of a civilized society: don’t eat with your hands, take your hat off indoors, be good to your brother/sister and try not to be an asshole. (Clearly with mixed results given how many of us there are.) All the while often holding down a full-time job. They do a thousand other things I don’t even understand but I shall stand by (okay, stood by) nod approvingly at her efforts - and keep my mouth shut.

Oh yeah, and thanks for the card.

Speaking of Father's Day . . .

Marvelous Marv and his four boys: Moe, Larry, Curly & Shemp *
RIP Pop            

The real upside of these long days, however, is all the advantages for outdoor activities the most important of which are late day tee times. 

Yes, I have left for last the true point of this post. 

In fact, nothing personifies our relationship to summer like the ancient game of golf - despite what Mrs Dear Leader likes to say, (often, inexplicably, with a terse look) “Must everything come back to golf?” Well of course it does because everything does. Come back to golf I mean.

 

In great art there is the Venus de Milo*, the Sistine Chapel* - and the Preserve golf course in Brainerd

Golf represents all of life’s verities in one simple game: joy when a birdie putt drops; anguish when a perfectly struck ball hits a tree and drops into the lake; pride when a shot is executed exactly as you planned; humility when you duff a shot off the first tee with lots of witnesses. (Uh, never mind the club-throwing anger when you make a 3-putt bogey.) 

Speaking of humility, I play a lot of golf alone (Yeah I know, perhaps with good reason) so I often get paired up with strangers. In hundreds of rounds I’ve only met one jerk - who I encouraged to continue on by on himself. My theory is that golf is such a humbling game that very few a-holes can play it. Anway it also teaches perseverance. In addition, it creates lifelong friendships forged in the brotherhood of playing an impossibly difficult game while knowing there is no chance of mastering it. Also important, it’s a game that you can drink while doing. (Of course, there are very few games that guys haven’t figured out a way to drink while doing.)

Perhaps best of all, on a beautiful June day - maybe even Fathers Day – you can play until at 9:00 at night when the shadows grow long and the crickets call, then repair to the club patio for a final cocktail and to settle bets. Ah, a true midsummers night dream! * 

There is a lot to be said for June.  (Well at least until the solstice.)

You know, perhaps the world isn't going to end just yet.

To all you handsome, sensitive, attentive dads (and also you guys like Dear Leader) enjoy your moment in the sun - you deserve it! 

Music for everyone who has lost their dad - or even those who haven't

Dance with my Father     Luther Vandros

On a happier note, a great version of the greatest summer song ever

Summer Breeze     Isley Bros

* What's with the asterisks? In true Dear Leader form, they are pointless cultural references - how many do you get?

 

Memorial Day 2024

 

The Definition of Fidelity

It is Memorial Day, that solemn day each year that was established to recognize all those who died in service to their country; those honored few who gave their last full measure. Perhaps this year, at least for this day, we can put aside our political discord and anger and not allow those differences to interfere with a common recognition of that original reason for, and meaning of, this day. It is also important to keep in mind that their sacrifice came without political or partisan views; they were neither red nor blue. Among them were Republicans and Democrats, rich and the poor and members of many races and creeds - all of them Americans. They died solely for the cause of their country and for all of us.

So make your annual trip to the cemetery with flags waving then home for a picnic. Enjoy the company of friends and relatives - but at the same time remember those who died to make possible your freedom to do so.

Also, I’m sure that wishing people a happy or nice Memorial Day is well intentioned but it is important to acknowledge the depth of meaning behind this day and to honor it accordingly. Perhaps a simple “have a thoughtful Memorial Day” would suffice.

  "War is young men (and now women) dying and old men talking."  Franklin Roosevelt

In closing, I have posted the following on several past Memorial Days because I have never been able to find a better expression of my thoughts about this important day. To those of you who have read it before and grow weary, I apologize. To others, perhaps it will strike a chord.        

Thoughts on "Taps."

I can’t listen to taps without tearing up. Sometimes I’m not sure why this is so. Is it because of the magnificent mournful horn that so perfectly matches the feeling of saying farewell to a warrior? Or am I crying for all the loved ones left behind — the millions and millions over many years? Perhaps I’m crying for something else, maybe I’m crying for myself.

Ultimately, I think I’m crying because taps reminds me that the world never seems to change for the better. No matter how many heroes pay the ultimate price, war always demands more. Worse, it always our young whom it craves. Worst of all, we proudly offer them up.

Maybe I’m sad that someone somewhere will always be able to make complete strangers kill each other for the same reasons over and over, like an eternal World War I trench battle that rages over the same, small piece of ground in perpetuity. Each generation, like some militant Sisyphus, pushes the rock of war up the hill only to have it roll back on the next. No matter how just, proud or righteous that rock appears, it remains a monument to a belligerent humanity’s worst instincts.

I spent 28 years in the military and my son has also served honorably. Someday taps will sound for each of us. And for that I am proud. But knowing that melancholy song will need to be played for endless future generations will always make me cry.

Not for sadness but for anger.  

Although that time when wars will no longer plague us is apparently still far in the future, perhaps commemorating Memorial Day can provide us with some hope that it will eventually come to pass.

To my fellow vets I say thanks for your service, it has been an honor to serve with you.

To everyone else, I hope you do have a thoughtful Memorial Day.

Memorial Day Music

War   Edwin Starr

"Hurray, Hurray the 1st of May . . .

Outdoor Kissing is Here Today!"

“In the Spring a young man's fancy lightly turns to thoughts of love”

Locksley Hall Alfred, Lord Tennyson

A tisket, a tasket

A special Mayday edition - who knew that May was so full of fun and interesting factoids. 

May 1, 1952 – Mr. Potato Head is introduced. (Not much later Mrs. Potato Head was created from one of his "eyes".)

May 3, 1978 – Digital Equipment Corporation sends the first bulk unsolicited commercial emails… spam is born! (The CEO was tried and convicted posthumously for his crimes against humanity.)

May 4, 1964 – Soap operas “Another World” and “As the World Turns” premiere. (Coincidently, Valium was created the year before so now with “mother’s little helper” and soap operas, millions of housewives could get through the day in the 60’s.)

May 4, 1970 (The year I graduated from the Harvard of the North - much to everyone's dismay.) At Kent State University, four students were killed by National Guardsmen who opened fire on a crowd of 1,000 students protesting President Richard Nixon's decision to invade Cambodia. (Song “Ohio” written by Neil Young and recorded by Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young within a few days: “Tin soldiers and Nixon's comin'   We're finally on our own   This summer I hear the drummin'   Four dead in Ohio. . .”)

May 5, 1260 – Kublai Khan, the grandson of Genghis Khan, becomes ruler of the Mongol Empire.

(Hopes that he would be nicer than his grandpa were soon dashed when he proceeded to slaughter 10% of all people alive then.

 

They say he had a gentle laugh though.)

May 6, 1937 - The German airship Hindenburg burst into flames as it neared the mooring mast at Lakehurst, New Jersey. 36 of the 97 passengers and crew were killed. A commentator famously exclaimed, "Oh, the humanity!" (On a positive note, 32 years later the picture of the incident made a great album cover  for the rock group Led Zeppelin.)

May 7, 1992 - The 27th Amendment to the US Consitution was ratified, prohibiting Congress from giving itself pay raises. (Congress apparently misunderstood and thought it meant they didn't actually have to do anything anymore either.)

Birthday - Psychoanalysis founder Sigmund Freud (1856-1939) was born in Freiberg, Moravia. (First doctor to confirm what every guy knows from birth - pretty much everything has something to do with sex.)

May 8, 1794 – The U.S. Post Office is established. (Almost immediately Republicans wanted to privatize it.)

What, me worry?

May 8, 1952 – Mad Magazine hits the news stands. (Almost immediately neither Republicans nor Democrats over age of 12 understand it.)

May 9, 1960 – The Birth control pill is approved by the FDA. (Almost immediately Republicans wanted to ban them.)

May 9, 1862 - During the American Civil War, General David Hunter, Union commander, issued orders freeing the slaves in South Carolina, Florida and Georgia. He acted without approval of congress or the president so the orders were countermanded and he was fired by President Lincoln ten days later. (“Sorry, slaves, just kidding so let’s get back to work.” His heart was in the right place though, he got another shot at being a general and 4 months later Lincoln signed the Emancipation Proclamation. He still sucked at being a general though.)

May 11, 1916 -Einstein presents his Theory of General Relativity. (It’s very complex so I'll mansplain: Basically, it says generally relatives stick together rather they want to or not. Or something like that.)

May 11, 1969 - During the Vietnam War, the Battle of "Hamburger Hill" began. While attempting to seize the Dong Ap Bia Mountain, U.S. troops repeatedly scaled the hill over a 10-day period and engaged in bloody hand-to-hand combat with the North Vietnamese. Shortly after they secured it, American military brass decided to abandon it. The North Vietnamese immediately retook it. (This apparently became a key US military strategy for most of our wars since then.)

Yours for only $2399!
(Gold sink sold seperately)

May 12, 1792 – The flush toilet is patented. (First manufactured by Englishman Thomas Crapper in late 1800's - no snickering!)

May 13, 1767 – Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart’s first opera “Apollo et Hyacinthus” premieres in Salzburg. He wrote it when he was 11 years old. (Big deal, I put playing cards on my bike wheels with clothes pins to make a sound like a car engine all by myself when I was 11.)

May 14, 1686 Birthday - German physicist Gabriel Fahrenheit (1686-1736) was born in Danzig, Germany. (I know that name from some place! Didn't he change it to Celsius soon after inventing the thermometer or something?)

May 16, 1862 – Just 7 days after Gen. Hunter was fired, another Union General Benjamin Butler, military governor of New Orleans, issued his "Woman Order." Any Southern woman showing disrespect for Union soldiers or the U.S. would be regarded as a woman of the town i.e. prostitute. This set the stage for his dismissal as military governor. (Like Hunter, he was given another shot at general. Apparently the women of New Orleans had the last laugh because Butler was fired again a couple years later. With generals like this, how did the north win the war?! Oh yeah, we had Grant.)

May 17, 1792 - Two dozen merchants and brokers established the New York Stock Exchange. (Maybe they would have been surprised to learn that in the 1930's their creation would cause people to heave themselves out of skyscrapers. Or maybe not.)

May 18, 1860 – The Republican party nominates Abraham Lincoln for president.

 (It is true that he was the last great Republican president although Teddy and Ike were okay too.) 

May 20, 1927 - Charles Lindbergh, a 25-year-old aviator, took off from Roosevelt Field, Long Island, in the Spirit of St. Louis. Thirty-three hours later - and 3,600 nonstop miles - he landed in Paris, earning the nickname "Lucky Lindy" and an instant worldwide hero. (Later, it was reported that he said he would never fly economy again.)

May 22, 1931 – Canned rattlesnake meat goes on sale in Florida. (It was sold as chicken.)

Birthday - German composer Richard Wagner (1813-1883) was born in Leipzig, Germany. (Besides Nazi's, his music was also a boon for full figured female singers.)

Birthday - Sherlock Holmes creator Arthur Conan Doyle (1859-1930) was born at Edinburgh, Scotland. (It is said that he had some difficulty in elementary school - and Watson never let him forget it.)

May 23

Birthday - Arabella Mansfield (1846-1911) was born near Burlington, Iowa (as Belle Aurelia Babb). She was certified in 1869 as an attorney and admitted to the Iowa bar and first female lawyer in the US. (Who knew that at one time Iowa was actually pretty progressive. They will have none of that nonsense today, however, under current lady Governor Kim Reynolds. On the other hand, she hasn't shot her dog yet so there is that.)

May 24, 1775 – John Hancock is unanimously elected president of the Continental Congress. (“Thanks, John, thanks a lot. Now all the rest of us have to squeeze our signatures in around the edge.”)

May 25, 2020 - George Floyd, an African American man, died during an arrest by Minneapolis police officers, including Derek Chauvin, who knelt on his neck for over nine minutes, despite Floyd's repeated pleas that he could not breathe. (Absolutely nothing funny about this for anyone.)

May 26, 1805 – Lewis and Clark are the first to see the Rocky Mountains. (Seriously? No humans had seen the mountains before? Really? We Americans ARE exceptional!)

May 27, 1647 – Achsah Young is the first woman to be executed as a witch in Massachusetts. (Notice word, first.)

A proud day in Salem!

(Reportedly, her last words were “Damn it! I thought they asked if I was bewitching and of course I said yes.")

May 27, 1919 – The pop-up toaster is patented. (Unfortunately, sliced bread wasn't invented until 9 years later.)

May 29, 1787 - At the Constitutional Convention in Philadelphia the Virginia Plan was proposed calling for a new government consisting of a legislature with two houses, an executive chosen by the legislature and a judicial branch. (One evening they all got drunk at the tavern and thought the goofy Electoral College idea would be a great practical joke to play on the common folk. Unfortunately, due to a hangover, they forgot to take it out of the final draft so we are stuck with it today.)

Birthday - American revolutionary leader Patrick Henry (1736-1799) was born in Studley, Virginia. He is best remembered for his speech in 1775 declaring: "I know not what course others may take, but as for me, give me liberty or give me death." (There is no record of what Virginia's thousands of slaves thought about that.)

May 30, 1889 – The brassiere is invented. As we understand, it received a lot of support. (Note: I did not write that last part. This is mine: like cuddling and discussing feelings, figuring out how to operate these things is yet another mystery that women pose for men.)

May 31, 1990 – Seinfeld television comedy show premieres. (Like this blog, it was often about nothing.)

May 31, 2000 – The television reality show “Survivor” premieres. (Also about nothing.)

Seinfeld, among the greatest TV shows ever, was on for 10 seasons. Survivor, among the most inane TV shows ever, recently started its 25th year and 46th season. Tells you all you need to know about Americans’ taste in entertainment.

And that concludes our lesson for today, you're welcome for all this knowledge.

In closing . . .

“In the Spring an old man’s fancy darkly turns to thoughts of making it to autumn.” Anonymous

Have a great May nonetheless with some music!

Lusty Month of May    Camelot

OHIO    Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young

Sunday Will Never Be the Same    Spanky and Our Gang

Where Have All the Children Gone?

 Demographics are Destiny

Mea culpa: You know, in all honesty I have been following this demographic time bomb for years, even while I was still working, but never believed it would happen. I was wrong. 

Update 4/14 - As luck would have it, in today's Star Tribune was an another article by the columnist mentioned below about demographics. In this one he points out that contrary to popular belief, Minnesota is actually gaining people over 65. It's losing younger people that is hurting us. Taxes, schmaxes! 

Unless you’ve been in a coma (or maybe retired) the last several years, you’ve seen or heard about the growing worker shortages. 

• “58%  of survey respondents found hiring to be “very” or “extremely” challenging.” RSM Consultants

• “Jerome Powell, the Federal Reserve chair, says the United States has a "structural labor shortage" that’s unlikely to be resolved anytime soon.” 

• “The US Chamber of Commerce claims there are over 10 million job openings in the US for which employers can’t find workers.”

Police and fire departments all over the country are short staffed. (Although for many different reasons e.g. Mpls cops are 18th in pay in MN. Number one? Sauk Center - go figure.)   

And also the miliary:

• (DoD Undersecretary) “Ashish Vazirani said that during fiscal year 2023, the military services collectively missed recruiting goals by about 41,000 recruits.” 

Thunderbirds Missing Man Formation

The Star Tribune’s very own Business section writer, Evan Ramstad, has had several columns about this growing  problem, especially in Minnesota. 

There are a lot of things involved in this first-ever (for the US) phenomenon.

First, there is undoubtedly the effect of retirements. With about 4500 baby boomers retiring per day (and going up every year) a lot of experience is leaving the workforce, creating a shortage of skilled workers.

Then there is the so-call skills mismatch.

• “While the loss of skills and experience through retirement is certainly a contributing factor, the leading cause of the skills shortage is the integration of advanced technology, AI and automation in the workplace.” Minneapolis Star Tribune Feb 20, 2024

     (Just another way to say that companies no longer need bodies,           they need well educated bodies.)

There is also this take:

• “Here’s the truth: There is no labor shortage. There is, however, a shortage of jobs paying sufficient wages to attract workers to fill job openings. For most Americans, real (inflation-adjusted) wage continue to drop. Wages have been increasing less than prices.” Robet Reich, American economist.

       (You know, how supply and demand are supposed to work in America?)

Which of these and how much each matters is open to debate but in any case there are a lot of jobs that aren’t being filled. Yet ironically the workforce is still growing (with great thanks to immigrants who make up 20% of it.)

But for how long?

The US, like most of the world, has had strong population growth for the last couple hundred years and very robust growth for the last 80 years. We went from 140 million in 1945 to 340 million today, average growth around 3%/yr. First Baby Boomers, then Gen Xers, followed by Millennials, then Gen Z, this population growth supercharged our economy's growth too. The growth rate now is about .5%/yr. (Yeah, point 5!) Can you imagine what it would've been - and will be - without immigrants?!

Apparently to all the Einsteins that study this stuff - demographers - the single most important statistic is the fertility rate. (This number is not to be confused with your neighbor who has 10 kids.) Here’s what they are looking for:

“Assuming no net migration and unchanged mortality, a total fertility rate of 2.1 children per woman ensures a broadly stable population.”

So how are we doing, fertility rate-wise? Right now the good old USA is coming in at a 1.66  – we’re number 134!, we’re number 134! - in fertility. Not terrible, Germany is 1.54. Much better than Japan, 1.33 and way ahead of the lowest, S. Korea at .89 – yowser!  Who’s number one? Niger at 6.6 – double yowser! (How are we doing in MN? 1.75)

Demographics, like DNA, doesn’t lie; the US, like the rest of the developed world, is facing a declining birth rate and population. That said, I’m not sure we all really appreciate what this means. (Well, except that there will be a lot more kids in Africa.)

We in Minnesota, and many other slow growing states (think cold weather), are already feeling the bite and currently can’t fill many types of jobs. We’ll have a lot more to worry about when we encounter a shrinking economy with fewer police, firemen, military members, doctors, nurses, teachers and others. We won’t be alone; this issue is going to affect the whole country over the next several decades.

Simply stated, every woman needs to have 2.1 kids - let's call it 3 - just for us to stand still on population. (This used to be pretty easy, my mom did more than her share with 5 kids.)

Sorry, as usual it's up to women to fix our problems.

There was a time in America when we couldn’t wait to have kids because we knew that their lives would be better than ours. Now, not so much.

What to do about it? Well, besides welcoming more immigrants, I suppose we could try to bribe the ladies of America to have more kids like some countries are doing. But that seems a little transactional – and apparently isn’t working anyway.

Actually, none of this is astrophysics. Here’s a thought: 

How about just trying to make this country a place where parents might WANT to have more kids - or any kids. You know, like good schools (and ones where you don’t have to worry about them being shot.) Good health care that doesn’t bankrupt you; enough housing so you don’t need to be rich to have a roof over your head and an economy that produces jobs that pay enough so that it’s worth going to work  - and supporting a family. Oh yeah, and fix immigration. 

Wouldn't that be tax dollars surprisingly well spent? (I shall now hold my breath.)

On a positive note, no need to plan for a shortage of politicians.

The Times They are A'Changin'     Bob Dylan

Wish You Were Here    Pink Floyd