Notes from a Prisoner in Solitary Confinement
So here we are, trapped in our own homes – the horror of it
all! You’d think that a guy who has been retired for a few years would be
comfortable with sitting around the house all day and pondering his navel. But
no, one of the verities of life is that there’s a big difference between doing
things we want to do and things you have to do – even if they’re the same
things. Watch something on Netflix? Ha, you can’t make me! Take a nap? Who
says?! How about cleaning the closet after 10 years of stalling? Who made you
the boss?! (Besides there’s plenty of time for that later.) Have a cocktail? My
god, are you nuts, it’s only two o’clock! Oh, well, okay.
Luckily, Mrs Dear Leader is very patient with me. In fact,
she’s too patient with me – she just ignores me. She ignores my whining about
no jelly beans in the house or that I’m tired of washing my freaking hands or
that it’s stupid that the golf courses are closed. (Her pet name for me right now is Baby Dougie.) Also, I look stupid in a
stupid mask. A mask, I might add, that she made and is busy making masks for neighbors
and care givers. I know, right? She's just doing it to make me look stupid and whiny! Well, in
fact, everything IS stupid! (Well, not the mask – but I do look stupid in it.)
Thank god, the dog hasn’t given up on me; Prudie is the one
constant between the pre-pandemic life and the current sad state of affairs. We
had a saying when I was in Thailand defending freedom from the dirty commies lo
those many years ago that “every day is Tuesday and every meal is breakfast.” That’s
because that’s what it felt like when you flew missions from 11PM until 5am every
day, seven days a week, week in, week out. Hey, pass the beer and waffles! Where was I
going with that? Oh, yeah, that’s kind of the way a dog thinks (I think.) For
them, every day is the same, every day is sheltering at home. Get up, go for a
walk, go poop, have breakfast, take a nap,
have lunch, take a nap - what’s not to like?!
As an aside, I saw that a cat in Belgium caught the covid
virus. (And now a freaking Tiger? What's with those felines?!) Yup, all the symptoms – fever, coughing, breathing issues (not sure how you
would know with a cat.) Caught it from humans but the cat recovered. Anyway, the larger point is that
if a cat can catch the virus, in theory a cat can give you the virus. Now luckily,
cats are naturally so good at social distancing that it probably doesn’t matter.
In other news, no word that dogs can catch it - thank god! - so score another one for mutts!
Anyway, it’s hard for we humans to embrace a dog’s life no
matter how comfortable it might be IF someone is trying make us do it. This
seems to be especially true of Americans; we have this independent streak that
rears its head at the most inconvenient times. I mean, we put up with a two-party
political system that is clearly a total failure without a peep but get mad
when we aren’t allowed to infect our neighbors? Sheesh.
Finally, this whole social distancing thing and staying home
is a pain but at least we’re all in it together. Well most of us anyway. So don’t
be a whiner like me. If you’re retired, you’re lucky. If you still have a job,
you’re lucky. If you have good neighbors, you’re lucky. If you have a dog, you’re
lucky. (No comment on cats.) For those that aren’t so lucky let’s try to be as
generous as possible in whatever way possible to them.
Neighborhood Mensa club discussing string theory and social distancing
If you don’t have the effing virus you’re lucky so don’t be stupid!
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