A Conversation with the Founding Fathers
“Or maybe we would have done an even better job.” opined Rutledge.
The always-studious Madison replied, “Well, we must have
done alright, they’re still using it 234 years later.”
“Yes, but did you see that little soiree on Jan.6th”
asked Ben Franklin? “That was just too damn close!”
Hamilton responded, “We always knew it could happen if the
wrong person became president - and it wouldn’t have if the Electoral College had worked
as we originally intended (he, he, he - even if it was a little undemocratic!)”
John Jay adds, “Right, Alex, the Electoral College was there to assure the "right people" wouldn't allow someone like that last guy to get elected but it hasn't worked properly since it failed right after George retired in 1801. We should have just gotten rid of damn thing but noooo, we had to try and save it with the 12th amendment - clearly THAT didn't work."
"I guess not!" said Madison, "One old guy wins by 7 million votes but if the other old guy got another hundred thousand votes in a just a few states he would have won - and it could have caused another civil war! Boy, we really goofed that up. Speaking of elections and the states, that's another thing we left to them foolishly assuming they would have the best interests of their citizens in mind."
"Yeah, right!" Hamilton added, "Like most other issues left to the states it's all about party politics now and not their citizens. I told you we shouldn't have given them so much power - what a pain in the butt they are!"
"And look what's happened to some of our other great ideas.” Pinckney added, "I don’t recognize a lot of the things we created.”
“Well, Chuck," John Rutledge pointed out, "I don’t recognize our country! None of us envisioned a U.S. with 330 million people across the whole continent mostly in cities with so many different races, religions, languages, jobs and ideas - our constitution was bound to adjust. It's just too bad we made it so difficult to change it - another goof?”
“Yup.” replied Bill Patterson, "And how about our 1st Amendment freedom of speech now? Apparently, they think money equals free speech - the more money you give the more free speech you get!"
“I know, even more bizarre now, corporations are “people,” Pinckney added, "and can contribute just like actual humans - or so says their Supreme Court. How did those justices get this nonsense from what we wrote? Originalists indeed!"
"So, is this what you were thinking, James, when we said people must have the right to freedom of speech?" asked John Jay.
“No, definitely not what I had in mind," said Madison, " it's preposterous! And apparently we were very naïve to think that people would run for office just to serve our country and not for a career."
"Right, so now politicians need to beg for money to get elected - a lot of money!" added Patterson. "Speaking of politicians, if we knew that all these Congress critters would turn it into lucrative 30 or 40 year careers we would have had term limits - yet another thing I wish we would have thought of."
"And," James adds, "it reminds me that we also really screwed up with Article III in the first place. Having the justices serve for life and not staggering their terms like the senate was a terrible idea. Look what’s happened now, yet another political football - what were we thinking?!”
“Same with religion, Jim, said Old Ben, “Patrick (Henry) would be happy to see that some folks are still trying to officially impose Christianity on society like he tried in Virginia. This when we explicitly did not want ANY national religion but simply protect everyone’s right to one. Sheesh.”
“Okay, who’s going to take the rap for the 2nd
amendment?" asked Madison. "I’m telling you, guys, I’m not to blame for the
mess they've got going on in our United States today with guns. It’s Jay’s fault, the dope edited it wrong. It was supposed to say: "A well-regulated militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of its members to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed upon." What a difference punctuation makes! Besides,
it should have been obvious we didn’t want every yahoo in the country to have any
weapon they wanted - my God, we didn’t even trust them to vote!”
It got quiet around the table; James Madison was swishing around
his Sam Adams beer. Finally, he said, “I guess we all have something to
apologize for regarding the slavery issue. I never dreamed that it would still
be causing so much pain 230 years later.”
“What were we to do, James?” said Rutledge. “There was no way to
get the slave states to go along without allowing slavery and the 3/5
agreement. I mean, we had to make a lot of ugly compromises but we did what we
had to do to get a constitution.”
Still, Madison lamented, “We all know Tom’s beautiful Declaration of Independence by heart: We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. What a load of manure! Even most of us slave owners knew slavery was wrong. We should NOT have agreed to let it stand and damn the consequences. Founding Fathers indeed – Founding Hypocrites!”
Founding Fathers - Ready to head out to the tavern (Ignore Thomas Jefferson, he wasn't involved in the Constitution)
Hamilton gently pats Madison’s shoulder and says, “Yes, we screwed that up, Jim, but they are working on it and I know they’ll finally figure it out.” He adds, “We have to believe that or everything we did was for nothing."
Quietly Ben Franklin adds, "Maybe 2021 will be the big step forward."
With that Madison snaps out of his funk and says "I'll drink to that. Barkeep, another round – and put it on Franklin’s tab!”
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