The Winter Solstice - A Short History

Solstice 2021 The Greatest Day of the Year

Most people that know me know that the winter solstice is my favorite day of the year. No, seriously it is and has been for a very long time. Why? Because it is the beginning of the end of the miserable darkness in the northern hemisphere, that's why! (Don't ask about it's evil twin in June.) My happiness comes at a cost however. To explain why, I like to share stories, stories that might teach a lesson, perhaps warm the heart and hopefuly hasten the return of the sun. (But don't hold me to any of that.)

I have cranked out a lot of stories over the years but sadly have been too busy to do so this year. (What, you think you can just whip one of these out in a couple hours?! To quote a very good friend of mine, "I have nothing to do and still can't get everything done.") But fear not, I have reached back to update and share one from several years ago.

I hope you find it reassuring. Behold.

Enjoying the Solstice Fire (Want some S'mores with that grog?)

Finally, a glimmer of hope in this the darkest time of the year. It is no wonder that the early Christian elders appropriated this time of the year for their own use lo those many years ago; you need to give the people what they want - and what they want is to get out of the freaking frigid, dark, endless night of winter! Yes, like those early heathens there is still something to drinking grog, prancing around the fire and praying really, really hard to bring the sun back.

But here is something you probably didn’t know. Like most good things in western civilization, it was actually the Greeks we need to thank for this wonderful day. Here’s the story.

In Greek mythology the sun god Helios was responsible for assuring that the sun made its daily trip across the sky. It was very good work indeed; as his chariot sped across the globe besides bringing the sun he was to peer into every bedroom in the world and report back to the big gods (and we thought Santa had a tough job!) And then there was Phaeton. Ah, Phaeton. . .

Phaeton was Helios’ son and as all parents do Helios loved his son dearly. I won’t go into the whole sordid affair but suffice to say that after much wheedling and whining by Phaeton, Helios gave in to him. He gave him the reins to his four magnificent horses and chariot allowing him to take a turn pulling the sun across the heavens. As you might guess, like a teenager driving dad’s car for the first time, it didn’t end well. Yet despite the importance of Helios’ job and the tragedy that was Phaeton’s early morning drive (and dumping horse poop on Mt Olympus was only a small part of that tragedy) there is, oddly, no word about something of even greater importance (at least to me.) What does this have to do with the solstice? Why must the sun go so far to the south of us poor inhabitants of the northern hemisphere? Why does old Sol abandon us just as we need him most in the darkness of December? Why do I drink so heavily this time of the year? Why is life so full of stupid questions? The Greeks never said but lucky for you I have a theory.

I'm sure that after Phaeton’s* rather disastrous and destructive trip around the world, Zeus, Apollo and that old crab Poseidon were really pissed. Aside from Zeus' wife Hera, who thought it was funny, Dionysus was probably the only god who didn’t seem to care - but that was mostly because he was always gassed this time of the year too. In any event, they were all ragging on Helios so much that he did the only thing a ~~guy,~~ er, a god in his position could do - deny, deny, deny! Furthermore, he knew the best defense is always a great offense - so he decided to take the sun and leave.

Helios had always made his trip from west to east - well no more Mr. Nice Guy! He started going in the opposite direction. He also had always gone around right at the equator but enough of that too, he started heading further and further south on his way around the globe. Now this really got the other gods’ attention because as he got further away from the equator it got darker and colder on Mt. Olympus. “Holy $!&%!” I imagine the gods saying, “the dude is going to freeze us to death!” (or something like that.) Just as Helios planned, the gods soon start begging him to come home (no word on how his wife felt) and finally after many lamentations – and the promise to get him a new chariot – he slowly brought his steeds around and headed them back to the north. Sadly, for us (okay, for me) the opposite also holds true as he gets to the other side of the equator but that’s a different lamentation.

But the story isn’t over, oh no, my friends. To this very day Helios is still exacting his revenge. Sadly, all the other gods retired eons ago and moved to various high government jobs (or Goldman Sachs) so selfless men - men, for example, like me - have had to fill in for the gods. That means we must continue to massage Helios' ego every winter to help us escape the endless darkness and cold of a Minnesota December. We must humbly continue begging, crying and rending our garments at this time of the year to urge him and his huge, pretentious, CO2-spewing, Suburban SUV-like chariot - and life-giving sun - back to our northern climes.

Anyway, check at 9:59 AM CST Tues to make sure it worked for another year.

No need to thank me, I’m just a giver.

* Also no need to worry about Phaeton. He has been immortalized by naming an interesting combination of vehicles after him: a Rolls Royce, a Volkswagen and an RV.

Did I mention this year will be the 11th Annual Thomas Neighborhood Solstice S'Mores party hosted by moi and Mrs. Dear Leader? Sadly, many of the little kids in the 'hood when we started this are now sneering teenagers poo pooing my efforts. On the other hand, some new kids have moved into the block so there is that. Besides, the parents still seem to enjoy a S'More (and/or an adult beverage.)

Skol! (or Ya Mas! for you Philhellenists)