The One, the Only . . .

 

 . . . Denny Kearns  Aug 22, 1941-Nov 16, 2023

 

Welcome aboard - you're in for a great trip!

Some people are lucky to have one really good friend in life. Even luckier guys might have a few. So, what do you call a person who has a large circle of such friends? It has to be me. Yet the luckiest people in the world can't hold back the inevitable shrinkage of that circle. Mine recently had another large section taken out.

I have lost several friends in the past few years – a price for living to a certain age, I suppose - each one as painful as the last and each with stories that begged to be told (along with some that beg to be left alone.) As far as I can tell, the only benefit for those of us left in this tightening gyre is that we tell those stories without fear of revenge! 

And now I - no, all of us in his large fraternity of friends - have lost another. One Dennis C Kearns aka DK. We owe him many stories and here are mine.

Where to start?

As always, I guess, at the beginning.

 

Denny didn't consider himself dressed unless he wore a sport coat (sometimes leading to odd combos) 

When I left the active-duty air force and joined the Reserves in 1975, of the many weirdos fellow aviators I met D Kearns was among the first. If that year sounds familiar it's because it was at the same time that year that two other dear air force friends, Marc Gilbertson and Bobby Luttio - who were both also good friends of Denny - came into my life and that I have since sadly had to memorialize.

On one of my very first AF Reserve trips (affectionately called “weekend cross countries”) DK was the pilot and I was the trusty navigator. We flew from Minneapolis to Key West for some very intense training. (Okay, maybe not intense but it was interesting)and Capt Kearns and I hit it off immediately. Our first (or last?) stop the first evening was not the Christian Science Reading room as was our custom. No sir, it was a great nightclub called "The Monster." This might have been a clue that he wasn’t just a mentor for new members of the squadron but a sort of an entertainment savant as well. I was even more impressed by his knowledge when a few weeks later there was a Times magazine cover story about the world-famous gay bar - I kid you not - The Monster . . . in Key West. (Not that there’s anything wrong with that; it was, indeed, a great bar!) Oh, Denny, Denny, Denny, those were the days.

And it was just a beginning of a stress free 48-year friendship.

AF Through the years 

Denny and our pack of AF cretins had far too many adventures to enumerate here (and possibly shouldn’t be enumerated.) 

From important training in Utah . . .

Pop at the top (brandy and hot chocolate)- Yes, Denny, we see you behind Karen

I know it looks like we were skiing but really, we were just taking a short break from harrowing flying with the fighter jocks at Hill AFB.

. . . To defending the vast Pacific ocean. 

                 Thanks for the help DK and Marc.                   Are you sure this is the beginners beach? 
(Thanks for nothing, Curt, lurking back there.)

On this particular trip we were dropping paratroops for training in Hawaii. In some of our rare time off we let off steam on the beach. DK had spent several years based in Honolulu for NW Airlines so he knew all the great surfing spots (Oddly, he did NOT know where the Christian Science Reading room was here either.) And, as you can see, he and Marc were always there to help a friend in an awkward moment. Now they're both gone.

DK demonstrated some of his creativeness not long after this trip when he gifted us all with a DVD made up of clips of "events" he had surreptitiously filmed from several of our trips. (He was one of first guys to drag around a video cam - really stupid idea!) He edited it, added great music and it is still hilarious and damn entertaining (if you like buffoons on parade - walk like an Egyptian out of a hotel anyone?)

Mr. Hospitality   

One of the first things you discover if you are in DK's orbit is that he was a very generous guy. You were always welcome at both his high-rise apartment on the river in downtown Mpls and his (golf-friendly) condo in FL. He even let the future Mrs Dear Leader and me stay there in FL over the holidays a couple times when he was out of town. He also let my daughter stay there while she was trying to become a golf pro and he was visiting his kids in Montana. There was a price to be paid by visitors. If he was home, it was a requirement, unfortunately, to watch TV every stinking minute of the day while he was awake (with volume really loud.) Guests were also expected to know all the "Simpson" episodes. 

DK and guests - the late Bobby L in FL

 

Over the years he housed a bunch of our idiot gang. 

Denny hosting another outing: The Ace, me and Curt - and some other guy 

Denny was a fine pilot both at Northwest Airlines and C-130 driver.

                   

He loved to fly and owned several airplanes through the years. (He even memorialized his favorite, his Cirrus, by using it in his email address.) In fact. his ashes are going to be spread on a couple of airports that were important to him. That's love of flying!

No reminisces about DK and NWA is complete without stories that kind of demonstrate both his cleverness and his innate courage to say - and do - the damndest things!

            

On one trip they had on board the actress, Helen Hunt, if I recall correctly. At some point before or during the flight DK apparently chatted with Ms Hunt. At the end of the flight when she was leaving, she poked her head into the cockpit and said something on the order of, "See you at the hotel later, right?  There were some very impressed - and envious - crewmembers after that little gag!

He was also a check pilot for NW. In fact, he demonstrated his check skills while evaluating a fellow AF pilot - none other than Curtis N Breeding - as a captain in the 747. On the leg from Manilla to Hong Kong right after takeoff he feigned going to sleep and pretended to sleep right up until approach into Hong Kong thus keeping the pressure on Curt to perform at a high level. (Yes, despite that pressure, Curt                                   apparently passed.) 

 

This according to buddy, Brian Arcari. Showing no one would be spared, on another flight Denny had on board the two young daughters of a mutual friend of theirs, Tim Murphy. As a captain always does, he made an announcement that they would be taking off shortly - but only when the two girls, Megan and Bridget, settled down back there! They were, of course, mortified and everyone else laughed. He did make up for it with Megan later when he did everything possible to help get her into the air force reserve as a pilot. (Sadly, she was an inch too short.)

 

Anyway, Denny was fearless - some might say brazen - in his humor. (As you could ask any golf cart girl who ever encountered him.)

Hi, come here often?

Denny really loved being a airline captain and being a colonel in the AF and just all the things that goes along with a rewarding life. I don't mean this in the cocky or arrogant sense but more like in an almost boyish sense of accomplishment, an attitude that inhabits many of my friends. Would that everyone could feel that way.

Then there was retirement. 

Like so many, Denny loved it. Unlike so many retirees that struggle to stay "busy," not him, he was content to plan his whole day around just going out to get the mail. That and plan his next cruise so he could play craps.(Do NOT get me started on his craps obsession!) Anyway, he was a contented man. 

Maybe only thing he liked more than craps - Univ. of MN Women's hockey

All that said, however, many of us felt that he missed his calling - he should have been a comedian or at least a script writer. He was brilliant! 

As an example, he was at one time the Flying Safety Officer for our squadron. He was responsible for briefing all the aviators on flying best practices and safety stuff that was going on in the air force in general. His safety meetings became a legend and so popular that people that didn't even fly would come to them. He would use these odd drawings on the black board to express a point. Then after a humorous monologue he would ask this group of flying Einsteins to figure it out. If/when we did it would be both very helpful but also bring the house down. He was so freaking clever! 

Not everything came easily to Denny. Take golf - please. 

Right after retirement Denny talked with the golf pro at his club, told him now that he had the time he wanted to work on his golf and try to become a 10 handicap (for non-golfers, that's a pretty darn good golfer.) The pro had him take some swings after which he counseled DK to perhaps lower his expectations. Ouch.

                What hair there is in this group is awfully white

In the late 80’s he was a charter member of an elite golf group that started with just four yohos (which, with his passing, is down to two surviving members) that made a pilgrimage to my home town (it was the closest) annually. Much frivolity and comradeship ensued. Oh yeah, and some golf was played. It eventually evolved into the Male Bonding and Golf Outing - MBGO - with ever-increasing members. While not playing great golf he never missed an event - even when he had to cut a hole in his golf shoes for his bunions. He finally did give up the golf part of the trip but was there to cheer the rest of the guys on for over 30 years. (Also, we were no longer able to calculate enough handicap strokes to keep him in the hunt so there is that.)

DK Enjoying a (chilly) MBGO Match

 (from the clubhouse) 

Then there were the annual Member/Guest golf tournaments at his club in FL. His usual guest was - no, not me but an actual golfer (Curt Breeding - again). Curt would fly down and stay with DK for a few days; they suffered several years of golf frustration. One year, however, Denny and Curt were on the verge of actually winning the thing when DK did the unthinkable on one of the last holes. He wondered gleefully what people were going to say when they (he) won. Horrors, never say stuff like that in golf! Sure enough, it cursed them as they slid down the leader board and into golf oblivion yet again (with much mumbling from Curt.) 

As an aside, and one of his few flaws, Denny is the only golfer I ever met who had NOT watched "Caddy Shack." Unforgiveable! Ah, DK.

Denny spread his net pretty wide as far as friends and acquaintances go. 

On my many visits to DK at his condo in Mpls we would stop into a bar across the street called Ginger Hop. He was, of course, on a first name basis with bartender/owner - vodka and soda with lemon twist, coming up! As luck would have it, Mrs DL and I moved in to our current house several years ago and who is the next door neighbor? None other than John Provenzano, the owner of Ginger Hop! Not only was Johnny a great neighbor (was because the jerk recently moved to Indiana) and a big fan of Denny's; he always asked after him. Kind of an unforgettable guy, our DK.

No story about DK and NE Mpls would be complete without mentioning Nyes Polonaise Bar, also just across the street from his condo. In 2006 it was named the best bar in the US (something DK never let anyone forget.) Anyway, we bent many an elbow there. Nyes had a band (polka of course) - made up of several septuagenarians - called The World's Most Dangerous Polka Band. Denny was so enamored with them that he flew the band down to FL and put them up just to play at his club. Of course, even his snooty friends loved them. 

BTW most of those "friends" were made at the famous pool bar of his club, a hangout where he also spent a lot of time. As it turns out they apparently weren't very good friends because virtually none of them cared about him after his stroke. (🖕Good riddance.)

Denny was a very charming guy with both men and women. 

I don't think he would mind (or argue), however, if I said he had a complicated love life. He liked ladies and ladies liked him (including Mrs DL.) Some liked him so much that they might give him two or three chances. We’re talking about really nice women here. But like so many of us dolts (perhaps more so than most) Denny just couldn't commit. No, I mean really couldn't commit! 

Then, as with all REALLY lucky (and smart) men, he finally did and with a very Goode woman. 

And like most of us yahoos, one he didn’t deserve.

DK and Sherry

Dennis C Kearns. A complex guy: charming, stubborn, generous, sometimes jealous (seldom petty), funny, bright, loved his kids and grandkids - a unique human being. 

I didn't love him like a brother, he was a brother. 

RIP, dear friend. 

Here's to you, DK, you suave devil!

A special song and private joke between DK and me

Your're Still a Young Man Tower of Power