Getting Older - Not for Sissies!
It Ain't Over 'til it's Over!
(Brought to you AI-free)
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I have wanted to create a post with no politics, philosophy, economics or (alleged) humor for quite a while; just a post about the vagaries of life. Some time ago in my internet wanderings, I stumbled upon the question/answer social media site Quara. Among the many political arguments, er, discussions, I discovered responses by older Quara users to two different questions: one was for positive things about aging and the other the opposite.
Bingo, I had my topic!
Of course, it happens to everyone but if you’re like me it seems like one day it just sneaked up on me on little cat’s feet – and pee'd on my shoes! Anyway, it is something I, for better or worse, have first hand experience with (and strong opinions about.)
As an aside, one of my daughters has a PhD in Gerontology (yahoo!) so Dear Leader gets lots of positive vibes and reinforcement in this whole aging thing - thanks only to her infinite patience with me. (Mostly it helps.)
In any event, I think you will find these answers to be pretty thoughtful with several positive jewels even in those responses that are decidedly on the less happy side of things. I also found that sometimes it was hard to tell which responses are which.
With difficulty I've pruned it down to a total of 13. (It's a slightly longer read than usual but I think worth it.)
Just be prepared for honesty!
1. "You age on the outside but forget to age on the inside. It's like those movies where a young person and an old person change bodies. Imagine you wake up in the morning, look in the mirror, and see a 70-year-old 'you' looking back. How would you feel? That's exactly like being old. The person inside is still you. You haven't changed your sense of self. You still expect the same things of yourself. It's just that the world sees you in a completely different way."
More socially aware. You don't live in the me-me-me bubble of youth anymore. You recognize that other people actually exist (barring certain perceptual disabilities). You are more considerate and aware of other peoples' requirements. Relationships change. You are more patient. You try to keep surpluses of things, just in case someone you care about would need them (food, money, umbrellas, manners, tissues...)
Robert L.
2. Nothing and no one can make anyone else happy. Happiness has to come from within … it’s like a birthright, but it’s our choice whether to accept it.
Can we —will we, allow ourselves to feel happy?
I’m 73 and I’ve found a lot of things to feel happy about. I have to be honest though. I’m much easier to please now than when I was younger and that makes a big difference. One reason is, expectations change as we age. We have less to stress and worry over. We aren’t trying to impress anyone, or climb never-ending rungs on a success ladder, or trying to keep up with the Joneses, Smiths, or anyone else.
We accept and even like who we are. We’ve come a long way, baby. The road was hard a lot of the time —want to see the bruises? But we did it. We made it and we can pass the baton to the next generation. Like a snowball rolling down a hill picking up speed and gathering more snow, we’ve picked up a lot of wisdom along the way. We’re here to help if they need it, happy to share what we’ve learned.
CJ Heck
3. "Do you want to know what really makes me angry about getting old? It's not being young anymore. This is the cruelest trick nature has up its sleeve, and you don't find out about it until you get there. At that point, it's too late to do anything about it. You have all the wisdom in the world, but no one wants to listen to an old person."
"You become invisible to every man, woman, and child on the planet. Younger people want us to go away because they don't want to look at their future. We thought we were always going to be young. We thought it was never going to happen to us, but it does. Sadly, it will happen to you too.
Cyndi P.
4. I've been advised to 'keep busy' (until I die?) and treated as if I'm out of the loop technically and socially. Expectations about my mental and physical ability have dropped with no reasonable cause. I find I'm justifying myself constantly (more push-ups in the gym, etc — which, I guess, isn't so bad)."
Seems I’ve traded sexism for age-ism. Feels the same to me. The fight never ends.
Now that sucks. But here’s three little words for anyone painting my age group one colour with a big fat brush:
Bring. It. On.
Bonnie L. Canadian
5. "Old lady arms. You know, that dimply, loose skin that just hangs around even though I'm thin. I also miss my natural red hair, but that's not a huge deal, and I don't mind a few wrinkles. But I absolutely HATE not feeling comfortable in sleeveless clothing!"
Vickie B Retired Program Manager
Seems I’ve traded sexism for age-ism. Feels the same to me. The fight never ends.
Now that sucks. But here’s three little words for anyone painting my age group one colour with a big fat brush:
Bring. It. On.
Bonnie L. Canadian
5. "Old lady arms. You know, that dimply, loose skin that just hangs around even though I'm thin. I also miss my natural red hair, but that's not a huge deal, and I don't mind a few wrinkles. But I absolutely HATE not feeling comfortable in sleeveless clothing!"
Vickie B Retired Program Manager
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6. I am 92 with fair health. I love getting up in the morning when I want. I love spending half hour in the bathtub reading a magazine. If I want breakfast, I will make toast and coffee. Then I get into my car to go to a nearby store to walk slowly through the aisles. Sometimes I buy something I need, and I also stop to talk with many friends I have made.
So try to treasure every person you know; any time you see them, it may be the last!"
Lillian T
7. There isn’t enough room here to list everything that sucks about getting old. It would be simpler to discuss what is good about it. First and foremost, added wisdom and experience in life. Plus, and this may be more true for men - you learn how to control yourself. The human being I am in my 50s is a million times better than the human being I was in my 20s.
Joy H
Joy H
8. For me, real happiness in the life of a senior citizen may be brought by being accepted and loved unconditionally. Loved ones spoiling you on special occasions and being given warm hugs.
I have observed how society treats senior citizens. Other people become impatient and less tolerant when dealing with senior citizens. They’re not even assisted whether in the street or shop when they’re slow or struggling with something.
TLC is what I think will bring happiness in life of most senior citizens. I say most; because other senior citizens may outrightly draw boundaries because of past traumas and no amount of love given to them will bring happiness.
I have observed how society treats senior citizens. Other people become impatient and less tolerant when dealing with senior citizens. They’re not even assisted whether in the street or shop when they’re slow or struggling with something.
TLC is what I think will bring happiness in life of most senior citizens. I say most; because other senior citizens may outrightly draw boundaries because of past traumas and no amount of love given to them will bring happiness.
Roseline P
9. There is a whole spectrum of answers to this question. The “younger” old will have a different perspective from elderly contributors, but following some context, I'll provide my short list.
If you haven't already said goodbye to every relative from the previous generation, you will soon. You are now part of the oldest generation in your family. Along with those losses, unrecorded family history is gone forever. For instance: there are family events from the early 1960s that I have vague recollections of, but there is no way to get a concurrence regarding those memories. Grandma, Mom, Dad, and various aunts/uncles who may have been there are all gone.
Michael D
10. "Your memory fades. By noon, I can't recall what I had for breakfast!"
Jon P.
11. The first thing I think brings happiness to anyone is their health, not just the absence of sickness but those days when we just feel good. The young have many of those days and tend to take them for granted. But for the elderly, who often develop chronic pain as they age, a good day is one with little or no pain. Another welcome thing is a feeling of energy and “I feel like doing this today”, instead of the fatigue that often increases with age. Also, older folks tend to feel sick more often, whether that be nausea or dizziness or maybe the feeling when they get constipated and wish they could go. When anyone has a day when they just feel good and want to go and do, that is a sweet day, and especially so for the elderly who might not get a lot of days like that.
The second thing that brings real happiness is what others noted — people contacts and feeling loved. Everyone needs others to care about and feel cared for. There is a security and contentment in being important to someone who comes to spend time with you, to talk and share simple pleasures.
Bob T
12. "One of the most frustrating things about becoming an older woman is that you become almost 'invisible' to people, especially to most men. When we are young women (20s to 30s), men pay a great deal of attention to us because of how we look. Our level of sexual attractiveness indicates whether a man will look twice or dismiss us as uninteresting and not worth investing time with. As a young woman, it's hard to imagine that the day will come when men won't flirt with us anymore, or at least not like they used to."
"The thing everyone discovers is that we feel exactly like the same young woman on the inside; it's the outside of our body that reminds us that we aren't young anymore. It's looking in the mirror and finding yourself saying, 'When the hell did THAT happen?!"
Rather than be the rule, it's the rare man who is interested in a woman that is his age (or plus) who is considered older and mature. But for those who do, I say thank you for looking at the real woman and not the facade of a perfect body and unwrinkled face.
India M, Author
Louise P
Touching, sad, funny, insightful - that’s a lot of soul-baring which is one of the common themes here, being truthful. Health concerns, loss and remembrance. And of course, love and loneliness. Also, can't forget the change in our personal appearance – or response by others to that change - crops up a lot, most notably by a few women. Ah geez, our society . . .
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Immortal |
Vanity crops up in certain guys too (Not me of course)
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| 50 yrs later, definitely Mortal |
Yet no one escapes the ravages of time: that's a lot of forehead, Bunky - arrggh!
My ship of old fools (two of whom have since gone to the big air base in the sky) Believe me, I know I'm lucky to have them.
Only friendship looks the same after all these years!
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| One of us denies dyeing their hair . . . |
On the other hand, I also sense a comfortable acceptance of life by my peers on this latter part of our journey. Proving once again that one should never underestimate the will to live by we humans.
(Besides, the alternative to getting older is not very enticing.)
I was surprised, however, that none of these folks identified music and musicians from their era as something important to them, it certainly is to me!
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I leave you with this positive vibe:
Many surveys have found that happiness and overall satisfaction in life almost double between the ages of 40 and 70. One theory is that when you’re young you are rather anxious for achieving personal and occupational goals and a sense of success in life but when your older, you realize that’s mostly all bullshit and just enjoy each day as it comes along. Friends, family and golf - enjoy the ride, folks, it’s only one you get!
39 Days to the election
NOTE: I promise a very positive post before the election. (No promises after that depending on the outcome.)
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