Score: Rabble 1, Elite 0

You know all the talk about how the “elite” are in charge and ruining the country has been making the rounds among all the (elite) media, talking heads and politicians, right? Well, I thought it was about time to see how this charge is holding up now that this “deplorable” campaign season is over. Here’s how I see it:

Essentially, the elite gave us Hillary. Now you can love her or you can hate her but the fact is that she was a deeply flawed and unpopular candidate; it may not be totally fair but she lost and there you have it. Despite her resume, in a normal election there is NO WAY she should ever have been a candidate.  However, she was clearly the candidate that the elite (at least on the Democrats side) wanted. And they got her.

On the other side, the rabble (sorry, can’t think of a better name for the opposite of elite) gave us The Donald. Despite the herculean efforts of the Republican elite to stop him, they had a candidate who, if he was running for dog catcher, would quickly be eliminated. “The people” wanted him and they got him.

So I ask you, who do you think is winning this abysmal race, the elite or the rabble? Put another way, did the rabble win or did the elite lose?

I am, as is often the case, a little confused. This time I am confused by the confusion that a lot of people seem to have about so called “elites.” I always thought of an elite as someone that is really good at what they do and that was a good thing - but now apparently it is a bad thing? That can’t be right, can it? Alrighty then, let’s talk common sense.

Would you rather watch a 13 handicap - say, me, for example - play golf?

(No, this isn't actually me -  thank God!)

Or would you rather watch Tiger Woods or Jordan Spieth?

You’re very kind but I would choose those guys – they are elite golfers.

            

Also, you never hear anyone who has any kind surgery done say, “Yeah, I had the guy who finished last in medical school do the procedure" (even if he really might have been.) Of course not, your doc is always the best, the elite! 

And was it just some average yahoo that figured out general theory of relativity? Noooo! Or how about the cure for polio? Nooo! And simple personal computers? Again, no.  

A lot of people love to drag out the Founding Fathers when they talk about freedom and independence and that the old boys (weren't no girls allowed) would be appalled with all the elites running things. Maybe so but it’s important to remember the Founding Fathers weren’t exactly a bunch of everyday farmers or day laborers (not that there is anything wrong with that.) No, they were the elite of the colonies. As an aside, there is this: usually revolutions are led by the underclass against the leadership. (hey not unlike this year’s presidential election!) That really wasn’t the case in the colonies, was it. I read somewhere once that our revolution wasn’t so much a revolution as it was really just a protest by the middle and upper classes - and elite - of the colonies against unfair laws i.e. essentially it was just about money. If the King had simply lightened up on taxes and rules there might not have ever been a revolution. (A large minority of the colonists were loyal to the crown.)  Dunno but something to think about when we worry about the elites.

On the other hand, that is not to say that something isn’t rotten in Denmark – or Washington DC. All the people in this country who are pissed off on the right and the left are correct that the government is no longer representing them. There are certainly elites involved in this mess but I think they are a different kind of elite. They are the money people who politicians have to suck up to get elected (and to hold on to their elite status themselves.) The lobbyists for big business, big unions - big money – who whisper sweet nothings to the party officials and candidates to influence everything that happens in the country. 

I guess you could say they have kind of turned the government into a gangster-like operation and it really sucks.

So what’s my point? I’m not sure. I guess my point is that we need to be careful when we rebel against the “elites.” We have famously become a country that has deep disregard of facts and science e.g immunizations, evolution, . . . flossing. And a distrust for anything that differs from our preconceived beliefs: liberals bad, conservatives dumb. What’s next, doubting gravity!?

This country from day one has depended to a certain, and probably, great extent on our elites to help us get through this self-governing thing. I mean, after all, the reason the founding fathers created the electors (now Electoral college) is because they didn’t really trust majority rule and, I suspect, the capabilities of the “average voter.” And I, for one, am also a bit hesitant to turn it over to the average, uninformed yoho to totally run things. (Any connection to recent electoral results is totally coincidental.)

We also don’t want to discourage the brightest among us from doing what they are best at whatever field it might be and that is to lead and innovate and be smart – we do NOT want the baby to go out with the wash!

What we need to do is find all those fake elites who are lurking behind the scenes and screwing up the country whether they are lobbyists, career politicians or billionaire trouble makers of all stripes and force them out. How? Other than change the Constitution to get money out of the equation, I’m not sure what to do. But maybe after this mess of on election and these totally unacceptable candidates for president the so called political elite will get the message that something has to change.

If not, who knows, it might be time for second – or real – American revolution by the average guy and let the chips fall where they may. If nothing else, what’s left except maybe a raffle or pull names out of hat.

Could it really be much worse than what we’ve got?

Poor Prudie - even she was surprised by Mr. Trump's victory!




This was a tough election – duh! In my opinion we were offered two very poor candidates for president, both with very obvious flaws. So much so that it was the case that many people voted AGAINST the other candidate rather than for their's – a damn sad way to run a country. In any event Donald Trump won so we need to move on but I cannot lie, it hasn't made me happy. This is my effort to help get straight with this, for myself if no one else. If it makes you feel better too, fine. If not . . . well, there’s always 2020 (or 2018.)

If you’re a Republican you might feel like this . . .









"Go back to Pharaoh the liberals," the LORD commanded Moses. "Tell him them, 'This is what the LORD, the God of the Hebrews, says: Let my people go, so they can worship me (and guns) Exodus 9:1(mostly)

"For evangelicals, for the Christians, for the everybody, for everybody of religion, this will be, may be, the most important election that our country has ever had. And once I get in, I will do my thing that I do very well. And I figure it is probably, maybe the only way I'm going to get to heaven. So I better do a good job." Donald Trump, speaking to evangelical leaders in Orlando, Florida, August 11, 2016


Huh?


This is my fourth attempt to write this, each version different than the previous one. Some too whiny, some too angry, some too, well, just too much . . . hey wait, I think I know what happened, I was going through the 5 stages of grief! You know: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Dunno, maybe I’ve made it to acceptance (or stopped at depression.)



Now you may ask yourself, why would Dear Leader grieve about this election unless he was another of those elite, liberal Hillary lovers? A possible reason but wrong. (In fact, I did not vote for either candidate.) The honest answer is very simple and very selfish – I hate being wrong. And the sad fact is that I have been TOTALLY wrong on this whole sordid thing from the beginning.


I have followed this blond turd for over ten years and loathed his bombastic and idiotic statements (as well as his ridiculous hairstyle) for the same period so I was biased from the start. I thought he’d be out by last fall. I didn’t think he’d have any chance of winning the nomination. Finally, I thought that no matter what the polls said, when people went in to the booth there would be no way any cogent person, no matter how much they hated Hillary, could vote for a misogynistic, racist, sociopath who has no interest in facts or truth. I know, I know, Hillary was deeply unpopular candidate (more on the candidates latter) but she at least seemed sane. In a binary choice I guess I thought people would choose crooked over crazy. Boy, was I wrong! Note to self: practice what you preach to your students on confirmation bias!

So keep the source in mind as you read the rest of this.


If you’re a Democrat you might feel like this . . .







“This will not be over quickly. You will not enjoy this. I'm not your king.” (But I am your president!) Lord Theron before assaulting Queen Gorgo, Movie “The 300”


After much psychological milling around and pages of self-important harrumphing, I will just let fly with a bunch of micro thoughts (and no comments please about those being all I’m capable of.) Starting with:


- The results of this election were inevitable; if not this one then the next one or the one after that. I have long preached that the wheels were wobbling on the old national golf cart due to the total takeover of our system by big money at every level. (Not liberal, not conservative – just all corrupted.) Trump identified this in his own unique way and jumped on it.


· Score one for the Donald.


“Look at those hands, are they small hands? And, [Republican rival Marco Rubio] referred to my hands: ‘If they’re small, something else must be small.’ I guarantee you there’s no problem. I guarantee.”


(Okay, make that two for Donald)


- Trump has said he intends to “drain the swamp” in Washington and I am sincerely on his side – it really needs it. He is already learning, though, how hard it is to be an outsider in Our Nation’s Capital i.e. you need insiders to figure out how to get inside so that you can throw the insiders out. Also, “It’s hard to remember you came in to drain the swamp when you’re up to your ass in alligators.” I’ll be right behind you, pal!


- This election apparently really was about white men who feel left behind and I guess probably are. But it’s not just working class whites either. I have any number of educated, smart and financially secure friends who are just as angry, convinced, I assume, that we are heading to the perdition of a liberal hell and pooping on the Constitution while on the way. (I grant you they ARE older and white and sometimes angry - but usually only about their golf swing.) These are not dumb people so the fact that they would prefer someone like Trump who they would ordinarily find as appalling as I do shows that they are as desperate as everyone else to fix real and perceived problems. (And, of course, they hate Hillary too.)


(Check out this link for a great explanation for Mr. Trump’s success – it is brilliant, pretty accurate and generally positive toward Mr. Trump.)


3 Movies Explain Trump's Rise


- Oddly, I also understand that about 50% of educated white women voted for Trump. Go figure.


"You know I’m automatically attracted to beautiful — I just start kissing them. It’s like a magnet. Just kiss. I don’t even wait. And when you’re a star, they let you do it. You can do anything. Grab them by the p**sy. You can do anything." –Donald Trump in a 2005 interview with Access Hollywood’s Billy Bush


(I think the Democrats better go figure too – but maybe skip the p**sy grabbing.)


- What I’m saying is that Trump clearly recognized this anger and anxiety and brilliantly tapped into this river of frustration the good, old fashioned way: fabricating and demonizing enemies (Mexicans, Muslims, lefties, the media - pretty much everybody not on Fox), offering simple (but likely impossible) solutions to complex problems (walls, deportation, tearing up trade agreements, bombing ISIS, bombing Iran, not bombing Russia) and NEVER apologizing no matter how wrong he was (At least 75% of everything he said.) Ironically, Bernie Sanders was coming at this same thing from a different angle – minus the demagogue stuff – and might have been an interesting match but thanks to the DNC we’ll never know.


- But here's my surprise prediction (with zero evidence to support it): Trump didn't mean most of what he said and he's actually NOT a misogynistic, racist, sociopath asshole (although I'm still pretty sure he's not too keen on actual facts and data.) I grant you that is not a very high bar but there you have it. (Keep in mind, however, the accuracy of my predictions to date that I mentioned at the beginning.)


· Score another one for Trump.


"I could stand in the middle of Fifth Avenue and shoot somebody, and I wouldn't lose any voters, okay? It's, like, incredible." Donald Trump, speaking at a rally in Sioux Center, Iowa as the audience laughed, January 23, 2016


- This is not just an American issue. In the UK the Brexit was kind of sending the same message about people feeling like they are being controlled by the big boys, the system, the elites. Ditto in other parts of Europe who are rebelling against the bullies of the EU. There is a LOT of angst in the developed world and Donald has hopped on board that train. Where it will stop, no one knows - but it will be a hell of a trip.


- Then there is the fact that no matter what he says, Mr. Trump is like every new president that comes in; he is not going to get all or even most the things that he says. Remember Obama’s hope and change? No less a brilliant analyst (and future cabinet member?) than Sarah Palin said, “How’s the hope and changey thing working for ya?” She was right – it didn’t.


- In fact, Trump is already showing an understanding about how campaign promises stand up in the reality of a president’s actual power and the complexities of the real world of governing and that’s a good thing. He's even thinking about keeping parts of Obamacare - will wonders never cease?! Besides, many of the promises he made are so over the top heinous, impractical or impossible that they should slip into the abyss of broken campaign promises as quickly as possible and I’m confident they will, so we got that going for us.


“I have much better judgment than she does… I also have a much better temperament than she does… I think my strongest asset maybe by far is my temperament. I have a winning temperament.” Donald Trump


- Hopefully President Trump means what he says about being the president for ALL the people, it is a sentiment to admire. Also, hopefully he will be a little humble about how he won the election i.e. without the popular vote majority - just like the last Republican president.


"I think I am, actually humble. I think I'm much humbler than you would understand. Donald Trump, 60 Minutes interview, July 17, 2016


- As an aside, it appears that just a little more than half the eligible voters in the US voted AGAIN, proving that we do, indeed, get the government we deserve.


Past President and Future President . . .





Hey you sandbagger, you owe the Clinton Foundation a hundred bucks!
(You knew I would get a golf picture in here somewhere)


- In some ways, Mr. Trump really is an outsider; he didn’t take money from many of the big Republican donors so he doesn’t owe them anything - that is something I respect. And if Bill Kristol is against him, I'm for him! (Although that's almost cancelled out by that smarmy dink, Sean Hannity who is also for him.) Yes, he has a Republican Congress but that is both a good and bad thing. First, I’m not convinced that Trump is really a Republican. (He could have appealed to the same people as a Democrat - although probably without the xenophobia and woman baiting.) He's a NYC billionaire who has rubbed shoulders with the so called elite all his life. He has also said he is a strong believer in social security and universal healthcare - damn curious Republican!


If I don't get along with Democrats, I'm sort of, like, out of business. Donald Trump


- And this Congress, especially the House, is full of such a group of scurrilous curs that it ALMOST makes me feel sorry for Paul Ryan. Trump is certain to bump heads with a lot of these jokers (as presidents always do) so that’s a good thing too. On the negative side, we know what can happen when one party has all branches at once: see Geo W's first term (and second wasn't too great either.) And Barry O and Obamacare. Enough said.


- The down side also is that we will likely have to put up with some real pukes in his cabinet; please, Don, Newt is okay - put him charge of the Dep't of Family Values - but do NOT find a place for Giuliani, find some . . . outsiders!


Sorry, but thinking of Trump looking for cabinet members reminds me of Hedley Lamarr in "Blazing Saddles" when he was looking for a gang to terrorize Rock Ridge:


"I want rustlers, cut throats, murderers, bounty hunters, desperados, mugs, pugs, thugs, nitwits, halfwits, dimwits, vipers, snipers, con men, Indian agents. Mexican bandits, muggers, buggerers, bushwhackers, hornswogglers, horse thieves. Bull dykes, train robbers, bank robbers, ass-kickers, shit-kickers and Methodists."


And Republicans?!


But then Obama had some jewels too like Eric Holder and Loretta Lynch. Oh, and Rahm Emanuel too so have at it, Donald!


- Trump has some ideas that are worth a try (excluding the Great Wall of Texas and Fed Exing millions of illegal immigrants out of here - oh, and maybe starting trade wars.) Term limits? Good luck but go get 'em, Donald! For the economy there are some ideas to try like reducing regulations and making it easier to do business here and fixing the tax codes. Of course there will be a lot of the same, tired Republican stuff like tax breaks for the rich and bigger spending for the DOD but what the hell, you have to take the good with the bad - and who cares about deficits (when Republicans are in charge anyway!)


Speaking of Trump’s economic policy? “Now, you might say he’d make a terrible president. I mean, the guy bankrupted his own casino. A casino! Where the House always wins! Unless it’s Donald Trump’s house!” Louis Black


Oh and don't forget immigration reform - with this lot it's going to be one of those things you need to just sit back, watch and be entertained!


- I have no idea what he will do with foreign affairs which is perhaps the most frightening. I really like the idea of not being the policeman of the world anymore and punishing our troops with constant wars of nation building. I am foursquare behind the president on that (although I’m sort of a pacifist so he probably wouldn’t want me there.) And there is talk that John Bolton is being considered for a top job. If so, start building a bunker, the man is nuts! There is also the terrifying mix of Trump's thin skin and nuclear weapons (and John Bolton.) Oh boy. (Another example of hope for the best but plan for the worst with this guy.)


I know more about ISIS than the generals do, believe me. Trump, Nov 2015


"I always wanted to get the Purple Heart. This was much easier." Donald Trump, on receiving a Purple Heart as a gift from a retired lieutenant colonel and supporter (August 2, 2016)


Thanks, commander-in-chief, you're swell!

- Finally and best best of all, the Republicans own the whole shootin' match now. It's poop or get off the pot. They wanted it, they got it. Whatever comes out the other end of the sausage grinder is all their's so . . .


I say we all get ourselves some chips and beer and watch the show!


Okay, enough o' that. Here is maybe the most important positive (hopefully.) If the major parties had been paying attention to the many issues affecting main street Americans instead of being in the pocket of big business, big unions, special interest lobbyists – and yes, the elites - they could have sought out the kind of smart, young outsider candidates to represent their competing views based on what’s really going on in the country. They might have spared the country this excruciatingly divisive experience. But noooo, instead we get a deeply flawed OLD political retread with more luggage than a 747 and a cartoonish, OLD reality show star who is so spectacularly unqualified he makes Geo W. look like old Abe Lincoln. Holy crap, are you guys kidding me?!


The Democrats are in deep shit. They have more factions than the Muslim Brotherhood, basically zero people in the wings to carry on any of their current, tired liberal policies let alone creating any new ideas. As importantly, they need a crash course in how to deal with white males especially the working class (and apparently educated, white women.) Stop looking for victims and start trying to solve real problems for people!


It may not seem like it with their election success across the country but the Republican party is also in a world of hurt. They do have the new president, the congress and many state governments (although a lot of those experiments are going deliciously haywire.) Yet Trump might be about as much of a Republican as Hillary – and much less predictable. And with their ungovernable tea party goofs and out-of-step old guard there is going to be a battle for their soul. However, it won’t matter if they don’t figure out what to do about non-white Americans and younger generations. HELLO! Angry old white guys are dying off . . . something I'm personally very sorry to report.


"We won with poorly educated. I love the poorly educated." Donald Trump on his performance with poorly educated voters who helped him win the Nevada Caucus, Feb. 23, 2016


Essentially, both parties are totally unprepared to deal with the 21st century and a new age of chaos.


So what’s the good news? Well, hopefully this election has been a wake up for them both. Maybe they will get off their asses now and get to work trying to figure out a way to solve some of the problems that Trump has identified instead of retreating to their comfortable but failed past. It will be hard and ugly but it has to be done. It’s either that or the two-party system – at least with these two parties – is doomed. And who knows, maybe even that’s not so bad. Thanks, Donald!


So there you have it. Trump is unlike any candidate in my lifetime - and I'm an old guy. There really is no telling how this will turn out; he could be a transformative president getting things heading in a better direction . . . or end up being the devil's spawn. We won't know for years. Here’s what I do know, there are two paths you can take: you can try to be supportive of the president, wish him well and give him some time – if he does well, we all do well. Or you can be like be Mitch McConnell, the great Republican Senate Majority Leader who proudly said after Obama was elected that the Republicans' primary role was to assure that there was no second Obama term. How nice (even if they did fail.) I will let your conscience be your guide on this.


On a final positive note, my wife gives piano lessons to a couple local high school kids, she’s had them since they were little. As luck would have it, she had one over the day after the election. Needless to say, the election had been a huge topic of conversation in their class (public inner city, not private school.) I asked him what was the discussion like about this divisive election. He said, the students talked calmly and deeply about the process and shockingly (to me) not the personalities. He said that “It was the best lesson they could possibly have had about civics.” Damn, I hope the rest of us can be as smart as 10th graders.


Feel better? Me neither but I think (hope?) we’re going to be all right.


PS
One final good thing, at least for me: I vow NOT to forward a whole bunch of stupid anti-Trump emails (which will be legion) to all my friends who have kindly shared same with me about the soon-to-be ex-president the last 8 years. Well, maybe just a few.

Now I know how the Inca’s may have felt. Or the Hittites. Or even those stone worshipping people on New Guinea – sheesh. 

The life and society I have lived is being buried. First, you take away a man’s beer like Budweiser and replace it with Moose Drool or something equally stupid. Then you make him wear lycra shorts and a helmet to go for a bike ride. Isn’t that enough?  Apparently not and now they’ve gone too far; they’re stealing my childhood food.

Listen to this (From Sept 15 Star Tribune Food section): ” Delicately spiced pork shoulder defies it’s bologna shape; its thinly sliced, warmed and slightly scorched on the stove, cloaked with Gruyere and sharp cheddar and tucked into a toasted and buttered roll.” All for only $11. This is the modern replacement for the good old bologna, Wonder Bread and chunk - of - cheddar cheese sandwich. Really.

First, if you even know what Gruyere cheese is I don’t want anything to do with you!  Next, why would anyone do this? Can you imagine your mom saying, when you come in from a morning of playing ball with your buddies (without a single adult interaction), “Come on, honey, it's almost done, I’m just slightly scorching your pork shoulder and Gruyere sandwich. I’ll get the sugar free kool aid and low salt chips in a second.” Yeah.

Thanks, mom, but could I just have a hotdog? “Sure, dear, I’ll get your Limousin beef dog blanketed with a barrage of Asian inspirations: tangy kimshi, yuzu fruit mayonnaise, avocado, chopped egg, charred shishito peppers, pickled ginger. . .” Limousin beef?! Fruity mayonnaise? First, I only use Miracle Whip and second, NEVER on a hot dog. (Although I do put it on my bologna sandwich - and almost everything else.) I’ve got your shishito right here!  

Well, can’t screw up dessert, right? How about S’Mores? Sure, as long as it’s “a light, spongy graham cake indulged with chocolate cremeux (fancy word for pudding) with picture perfect pillows of meringue marshmallows strategically placed around the artful plate.” Picture perfect pillows. . . huh. That will NOT look good on the camp fire. Is nothing sacred!?

You know, it’s okay if all stores have to be "upscale." It’s also fine if we only build “upper end” homes and apartments. It’s even okay if no hip person would be caught dead going to a regular restaurant. (Gotta be a trendy joint that serves this kind of stuff – and covered with kale, no doubt. Yuck.) But this is going too far! Taking the remnants of my youth and trashing it by charging $11 dollars for a bologna and cheese sandwich (replacement), well, that’s just too much. 

I guess this is a not too subtle reminder that I might be just a bit out of step with the times and need to go gently into that good night (on the town at Olive Garden.)

Move it on over, Inca’s, a big old dog is movin’ in! 

Labor Day Lament

When you think about Labor Day what comes to mind? That's right, probably something like the image above. Well, I propose that it's time to rethink Labor Day: why do we need one? 

It appears that few of us actually labor anymore. No, that's not exactly right. We still work hard it's just that what we do doesn't seem like work. No, that's not right either. Work is work - it's what you do to make a living, support your family and sometimes even enjoy. Today, however, it's often hard to tell what it is we really do. I mean, most of us (okay, not me, I REALLY don't do much!) don't do work that actually makes stuff; that's either been outsourced or an immigrant (legal or otherwise) or a robot does it now. We do, however, attend meetings, work from home, create spreadsheets, analyze stuff for someone and create clever things that we can post pictures on or share what we're having for dinner. Oh yeah, and also drive people around in our car - cool!  All very important no doubt but not exactly City of Broad Shoulders or Rosie the Riveter; it's Allen the App maker now! So while we are indeed working it just doesn't SEEM like . . . labor. 

Disclaimer: I am not now nor have I ever been a union member or fellow traveler. I’m neither for nor against, I just haven’t been in a job that was unionized. I bring this up because unions have also kind of been central to Labor Day. 

Today about ten percent of all workers are unionized, not that long ago over thirty percent were members (although it seemed like more.) Then the economy changed. Apparently companies no longer needed the high priced labor skills of union members. In industry after industry, union members were implored to give up a little “somethin' somethin' " for the company. Look no further than the Allina nurses today. Or the folks on the iron range. Or the auto workers. I know, I know, it’s the workers own fault for not understanding how difficult business is today. Apparently, today's poor CEOs just don’t have a lot of options (excluding stock options, of course) to assure the company survives except by “right sizing” their work force and getting rid of benefits. And, of course, most companies don’t even have unions anymore. (By the way, these things are related.)

WalMart doesn't need unionized people. Starbucks doesn’t need unions. Uber doesn't want unions. Yard care services don’t need no stinking unions. Investment bankers certainly don’t need unions nor do all those non-healthcare workers at health insurance companies.

These are just some recent examples of the irrelevance of unions and, by extension, labor. For now, we need to face the fact that work is being “redefined” for us and there’s just no place for actual labor in the labor/capital equation. (I wonder if the economists who tell us this is all a good thing will get their jobs redefined too.) We are told that we don’t need workers, we need “intellectual capital” and “creative thinkers” for our service economy -which, given the state of education in this country, is not a comforting thought. Clearly this will work great for the vast majority of workers in our society. (That, by the way, is called sarcasm.) So forget unions unless you are a government worker - who, ironically, probably needs them the least.

This provides the perfect rationale for canceling Labor Day.

If we don’t really need labor and we don’t really need labor unions then why do we need a so-called Labor Day? In fact, it strikes me that this celebration is basically a giant rip off perpetrated by those greedy workers against all the poor corporations of this country, large and small who, by the way, are now “people” according to the Supreme Court. To them it's just another non-working, no profit day.

As I think about it, there are a lot other things that we could do to help our companies in this regard. For example, as part of the intellectual capital of the country, why do we only work an average of 50 hours a week for the same pay as 20 years ago? Our grandparents worked 70 hours a week for a lot less and were just happy to have a job! And think what we could do for shareholder value if we got rid of some of those other pesky benefits (that by and large, unions gave us.) I mean, do we really need TWO days off on the weekend? Or paid overtime? It’s not like we’re really working anymore anyway. Or how about vacation days? Apparently workers are getting way too many since most never use them all - and when they do they're answering emails and calls anyway. 

What about some of those other benefits, like holidays? Does anyone really remember anything on Memorial Day? Nah. Presidents Day? This year's candidates certainly make me want to celebrate! Veterans Day? As if that helps the vets. Even Christmas Day - whatever happened to separation of church and state? What a waste of time that could be better spent on the job. And how about those pensions and health care benefits … oh, never mind, they've already been taken care of.

So here's my modest proposal: Let’s just forget Labor Day and get on with the business of America which is… hmmm, I forget.

Have a productive Labor Day and listen to this:

Billy Joel Allentown

Thank you for reading. I hope you will take a few minutes to read some of my earlier words of wisdom (?) and maybe even bookmark the site so you can visit often - you never know when I will post some you might find interesting!

The 29^th Tim Fuzzey Memorial MBGO is in the books!

It always starts with a hearty breakfast en route to the venue. (This year, going to Brainerd, we stopped at the Clearwater truck stop – mmm good!) Ostensibly it’s to settle on all the rules and betting games for the tournament. In reality, it’s often the last solid food for three days. 

Current champion lording it over the other players at breakfast. (Not coincidentally, we are always put in a little back room by ourselves away from normal customers and waitresses, like cart girls, pretend to be charmed by our clever banter - thank god we're apparently big tippers!) 

                                

                                                                                                                        

 As an aside, the current champion is also our our current peerless leader whose title is: The One with Total Dictatorial Power or just the "TDP." He is in charge of the whole event and has the power of life and golf death for all participants. (It may not be a fluke that he is a multi time winner.) 

The competition was fierce as always but there can be but one winner. (There is a cash payout through five places but this is America and to paraphrase one D Trump, anyone that doesn’t come in first is a loser. Period.)  So the winner is  . . .

                                                                               

                                                           Giving new meaning the phrase “old friends”-

                                                             Pass the Depends, boys!

(Golf pictures courtesy of Thomas Hansen, Esq. self-described "last honest man in America." A dubious distinction perhaps but worth noting.)

But let’s talk about me first.

Although I didn’t win I did put in my usual feeble effort and ended up about middle of the pack – more or less. Of course, I would have done better if my back wasn’t sore. Also, I wasn’t given enough strokes for my handicap. And geez, was it was windy! It didn’t help that I lost my lucky ball marker. In addition, several times I'm sure I heard guys laughing and talking in my back swing causing some severe mis-swings. (Oh, they apologized but it can’t be an accident if it happens every time, right?) Despite these very difficult circumstances I am able to hold my head up high and as an American say, “I was a victim!”

Helping to take the sting out of my disappointment was the discovery of what really happened to Elvis . . 

Who knew he would be hiding in plain sight at Zorba’s in Brainerd?!

(And we we had to stay up really late to discover him - almost 10:00!)

Golf is a very difficult and intimidating game; it’s expensive, frustrating, time consuming and ultimately, impossible to really like. Why then, you may ask, in the name of all that’s holy would we do this for 29 years? The answer to that is very complex but here goes.

First, because a would be golfer can buy fancy golf clothes, nice clubs, expensive balls and look the part of golfer without exercising or having any actual athletic ability. Then, the secret is to play with people who are much worse than you (and, of course, give them unsolicited and incorrect advice) and/or simply stand around in the club house or near the practice green but never actually play. 

Found in the men's room at the Preserve golf course . . .

To quote good, old King James . "Only stopping for short tymes and wiski, Such are the very odd way of goffers!)

Also, one of the true draws of golf – not unlike that of bowling, horseshoes or curling– is that it is a sport that you can drink while doing. Think about it: good shot or bad you can knock back a beer and even puff on a cigar. I mean, come on, show me some hockey or basketball jock that can get away with that! (Not to mention that all these old farts that try to keep playing those actual sports are simply knee replacements in waiting.) In addition, golf is a sport that you can play until you’re a freaking hundred (if you don’t mind being unable to hit the ball out of your own shadow and running into the woods to pee every 10 min’s.) Unlike bicycling, or jogging or other activities that require . . . actual activity, golf is a gentleman’s game; it’s a social sport where you can leisurely discuss important issues like where to go for dinner, the price of vodka or the goofy, high white socks and cargo shorts on one the other players. (Condescension is one of the true skills sets required in golf.)

The local MENSA club meets at the Bar Harbor every Tues night. (They asked us to leave.)

I should add here, before we salute the new champion, that while we have been plugging along for 29 years, it hasn't always been the same cast of characters. In fact, only three of us have been to all the events. (More stupidity than persistence.) Some have been with us for twenty years, some for ten; our new champion has only been with us for two years. We were once almost exclusively air force buddies but really the only criteria now is that you must play golf, be willing to listen to the same dumb stories every year, have no tolerance for assholes, be kind to grandmothers and dogs and, if possible, drink. Our new champion fits the bill nicely with all but the last - like the Republicans, we truly are the big tent party!

So here you go:

The 2015 champion, Don Asay - nick name “Old Cheater” - presenting the prestigious Fuzzey Cup to the new 2016 champion, Steve Funk  henceforth known as the “New Cheater.”

(Old Cheater may be smiling but he's crying on the inside)

New Cheater squeezing into proud blazer (we actually have two blazers in order to accommodate golfers who, shall we say, have more full figured dimensions.) 

NOTE: A certain member of the group, one Jerry Norton, was so confident that he would win that he was stunned by the outcome and demanded a recount of all scorecards and review of the rules (setting back our lunch and departure.) Sadly, for him, he still came in second. This is in contrast to the fine fellow, Brian Arcari, who came in 3rd, graciously accepted his cash and went home without a peep.

So that's it, golf's Fifth Major is complete for the year. Preparations are already underway for next's years event. We have been assured by the TDP that next year, in honor of the 30th annual MBGO, there will be a number of surprises.

None of which could possibly be greater than if I were to win.

Most importantly, here's to hoping that everyone is both willing and able to make it. I can't stand the thought of losing another friend - we're too young! 

Special shout out to one Richard "Big Stick" Severson and his very tolerant wife, Gayle for putting up a few of the knot heads at their palatial estate on the lake. YTB!

(BTW, sorry about the fire damage, I swear to god we didn't know tequila shooters would explode like that - Denny and Curt will send you a check for the damage. Can we still come back next year?)

New Guests to the site please feel free check out my other posts here, you might like the New View Askew - and always feel free to offer comments, it's what keeps me going!

   I Hate the Night

      

How do you feel about night? I mean nights in general; you know when you are supposed to be sleeping. Personally I’m really starting to hate it. Night, I mean. I don’t like the way it steals a part of the day. I don’t like how quiet it is. I don’t like how long it lasts (no matter how short). Most of all, I don’t like how it changes my outlook on damn near everything; night is just mean.

I’m sure some of this is a function of age. It is the rare night that I sleep all the way through to the morning (whenever that is) and so say most of my friends. Yet there is something different to my dislike. I find myself waking up almost every hour to check the clock. I am convinced that it is because I want to reassure myself that it is actually passing by and sunrise really will come. Or perhaps this too is actually related to age - and to the unsettled thoughts that come with it. For example, the slowly closing door to the future that appears to us as we get older.

When you are younger there is always more time to do the great things that you are destined to do. Night time and sleep are just that brief respite you need to recharge in order to go out the next day and defeat the world (sleep like a baby?) But when you get older maybe it becomes obvious that the world is actually up on you in points and worse yet, you are unlikely to overcome that lead. Now the night becomes that awful, quiet place when the world is allowed to mock you and tease you and belittle you for how small your life’s accomplishments are compared to the dreams of your youth. And you’re tired in the morning to boot.

So perhaps all of this mumbo jumbo is really nothing more that the little matter of mortality. The saying “I can sleep when I’m dead” is kind of cute and funny when you’re young. It takes on a whole different meaning as you get a little closer to sleep’s Big Brother.

Pass the Advil PM! 

Cliché Alert - Thoughts on a 50^th High School Reunion

                  

                           My God he was a handsome devil – what the hell happened?!

 “Old age is a terrible thief. Just when you’re getting the hang of life, it knocks your legs out from under you and stoops your back. It makes you ache and muddies your head . . .”

From a terrific (but terrifically depressing) book, “Water for Elephants.”

I would add that it also puts a face in the mirror when I shave that does not resemble the guy in my mind.  Perhaps that is what makes something like this reunion a little bit sweeter, though, because we are all in the same boat. In this celebration we still see in each other the handsome young stud or lovely girl from our graduation day.

I think most people attending reunions – and especially one as august as a 50^th – have some trepidation. I mean many – most? – of the people you won’t have seen for 50 years. Literally a lifetime has passed and thus we're strangers - and what do you say to strangers? Our lives have generally been lived in isolation from each other with totally new memories and experiences that have shouldered out those from the mere few years we spent together in dreary classes a loooonnnnngggggg time ago.

And of course there were the typical highs school cliques: the jocks, the cool kids, the slackers, the guys that smoked and drank (and these are NOT mutually exclusive) – and then there was the vast majority of us who were the unrecognizable rabble. (Okay, I was a minor jock but apparently best remembered as a smart ass – who knew?!) Now the slackers may be doctors, the jocks chubby cab drivers and the cool kids are . . . well, still cool. Yet now the simple fact that we are older has sort of removed any walls there might be between us.

                                             Oh who knew they'd take pictures?!

There is a sweet symmetry to life that you come to understand when you go to one of these affairs. It was my great pleasure, due to the odd seating arrangements, to talk with several people I simply did not know in school. Not surprisingly, their stories were my stories; loves won and spouses lost, children grown, aches and pains and dedication to grandchildren . . . or their pets. (Speaking of grandchildren, I am ashamed to admit that I was pleased that I’m not the only one with my nose pressed up against grand parenting window, outside lookin' in.)

Monsieur Teeson’s ceremony honoring the vets among us was a highlight and a very poignant but heartening moment. The fact that such a large majority of the guys in our class served probably shouldn’t be a big surprise since we graduated during the heart of the war in Vietnam but it was instructive nonetheless; right, wrong or indifferent when called, we answered. (And one who didn't took the most honorable path open to him and I told him so to his face.) I’m just sorry that there were only 3 or 4 air force guys and all those grunts and swabbies. (Marines don’t count. No, literally, they can’t count, that’s why they are such great guys to have around in a fight!)

As if we really need one, the bulletin board with the names and pictures of the 45 classmates we have bid farewell to was a sober reminder of our fragile mortality. I knew most of them and one was one of my best friends to this day. It is obvious that it came far too soon for them but reminds us that there is no guarantee that there’s a tomorrow - so get out there and live it up! In any event, 45 seems like a pretty hard hit to a class to 266. And I guess it won’t get better, huh?

My only and biggest regret is that a weekend is not long enough to catch up with all the people whose lives, rich wonderful lives so different yet the same as mine, that wandered off from the same starting point but along different paths and then come back together for this brief point in time. Damn, there’s so much more to know about each other!

                                          Snow on the roof but fire in the furnace!

I posted a picture prior to the reunion of some class that celebrated their 50^th quite a while ago, tongue in cheek wondering if we would look better than them. You know what? I don’t think so but you know why? Because I’m pretty sure that they got up in the morning and were still seeing their younger selves just like us – they just had different clothes. (Of course, they weren’t nearly as good looking as us to start with either!)

I’ll close with this from Lizzy Rain’s song, “Any Fine Sunday.”

“We’ve lived and we’ve thrived; we’ve gone and survived. And, it’s so clear that it’s good to be here where there’s nothing like living through your fears, there’s nothing like friends you’ve known for years. I’ll meet you on any fine Sunday.”

I’d be proud and happy to meet any of my classmates on any fine Sunday - and hope to see you in 2026 (ugh!)

(And yeah, Lizzy Rain is my wife.)

NOTE: Class pictures stolen from classmates who were smart enough to take them.