Dougie's Big Adventure at the Hospital or . . .

 

 . . . Sorry, Too Much Time on My Hands

“Have you pee’d today, Mr Pederson? (she pronounced it “PETERson”) asked the nice nurse.   Me, “No.” “Have you farted yet, Mr Pederson?” asked the kindly nurse’s aide. Me, indignantly “No, I have not passed flatus!”

Welcome to potty training, age 73. And welcome to recovery from surgery.

Recently (Jul 28th) I had a  major and fairly complex surgery on my lower back. I used to joke that what I lacked above the shoulders I made up for below them. Ooops, not so much anymore. But allow me to back up to the beginning of this tale of woe.

About a year and a half ago I started gimping around with some stupid pains in my right leg. Luckily, since it happened in FL, nobody actually noticed given all the other geezers gimping around. So like any proud guy . . . I ignored it. 

But not for long. Finally, just to make Mrs Dear Leader happy, I visited her FL chiropractor. (The gall of her, getting mad at me for complaining but not doing anything about it - women! Besides, why DOES she have a handsome young chiropractor in FL anyway? Hmmm.) Anyway, X-ray says blah blah blah, L4-L5, blah blah blah - that will be $150. O-kay, thanks. I shall take it under advisement but I have 9:00 tee time.

Well, we get back to Twin Cities and I'm starting to think I might actually have a problem. I go to a neurologist, have an MRI and he says blah blah blah, L4-L5, blah blah blah - that will be $2000. O-kay, so what do I do? Should I cancel my tee time? (Nahhh.)

So here's the deal, options are: physical therapy, spinal injection or surgery. I decided the spinal injection first. They sound fun; poking a thread-sized needle into a thread-sized nerve in your spinal column - cool. Anyway, unpleasant but helpful - gotta couple more months of golf out of the first one but second one not so much.

Then, just to tidy up while postponing the inevitable, I did physical therapy. PT is a very good idea - core strengthening is really important for a powerful golf swing. It didn't really do much for the pain and I only got another month or so of golf but on the plus side I do look like this old guy so I got that going for me. (Of course now neighborhood husbands don't me go outside without a shirt on - sheesh.)

So like most (guy) patients I fought the notion that I would need to go under the knife. Sort of like the knight in Monty Python’s “Holy Grail” who gets all his appendages chopped off and claims it’s just a flesh wound, I too denied that I had THAT kind of problem. I hemmed and hawed, talked to a couple good surgeons - blah blah blah, L4-L5 blah blah blah - that will be $170,000 - Mein Gott in Himmel! Anyway . . . here I am and a what journey it's been.

Having never had surgery (if you don’t count the one that stops babys from happening - and which is yet another procedure that requires dropping any pretense of modesty) all I had to go on was the reassuring voices of friends who had had the same surgery: “OMG, the recovery is so awful, you’re going wish you had died!” “Geez, the pain is like child birth” (not sure how he knew that.) Finally, “Wow, the drugs are really wonderf . . z z.” Sadly, only the first two matter.

With those grim images in my brain I went ahead anyway – the stupid leg pain was really starting to affect my backswing. (As the lovely Mrs Dear Leader would say, “Does everything in life have to relate to golf?” Silly woman, yes, of course!)

So, pre-surgery physical – check. Covid test (negative) – check. Confirmed insurance coverage and/or papers assigning custody of oldest child to the doctor – check. (Sorry, kiddo, but I’m sure you want your dad to golf again, right?)

Day of surgery, one simple job: remember your birthdate because you will be required to repeat it 1,021 times. (Even then I still wasn’t sure towards the end.) My last memory of actual surgery was the very kind anesthesiologist waltzing in asking how we were all doing. I apparently had been entertaining her assistants because when I said, “We’re having a gas!” they and I laughed. 

She quickly put me under. (I guess she’d heard that one before.)

Hours, days, weeks later? Who knows but I woke up in some boring room with a bunch of other stiffs lying around. I use the term advisedly but I guess it wasn’t the morgue because they finally pushed me to my room.

That’s when the fun really begins! IV’s, catheters, drain tubes, monitors - it’s like the scene in “The Right Stuff” when the bold astronauts look like buffoons with tubes stuck in every orifice. Modesty? Pride? Ha, I spit on them! Oh yeah, and I walked that very same evening – if you call staggering in the halls for 5 minutes dragging hardware around walking. Hey, time to go home yet?

Two days later - after 2 nights of being awakened every two hours for drugs, to check vitals or just for the hell of it - I did. I had spent several hours of intensive training (okay, 15 min’s) practicing rolling over in bed, getting in and out of the shower, the toilet and a car. Oh yeah, and how to put on underpants without bending over - very handy! Anyway, they said I was the fastest study ever (but I think they say that to everyone given my inability to remember which foot goes first, the good one or the bad one, when going up and down stairs.) Then, after apparently purchasing a walker I never used (and still haven’t) and a boat load of drugs I do use, I was sent home. Yes, yes, I had pee’d and passed flatus too. (No need to dwell on bodily functions.)

The days are pretty much the same at home as at the hospital except for the décor – and having a loving care giver take care of things. I kid you not, it’s hard to imagine going through this alone. In fact, impossible. Sure, I’m a  wonderful, easy going, low maintenance kind of guy . . .  Dear, you know I like my bologna sandwich cut corner to corner not crosswise! And where's the Miracle Whip?! Sorry, where was I? Oh, yes. So I owe Mrs. D L a lot and if she ever needs this kind of help I will spare no expense to find someone to provide it! 

Speaking of recovery, it's nice of folks to keep in touch with me especially my kids. I mean we talk (well, text)  pretty often but this is kinda different, they are actually checking up on me and that feels good. Of course it's not like I expect them to help change my Depends (yet) but still it's nice.

Then there are my so called "neighborhood buddies." Ah yes, always ready with wise counsel and help. To keep my spirits up they even created all sorts of  (allegedly) humorous gifs with my face inserted. Sure, most of them make fun of my shuffling walk and disheveled look but mockery is good, it proves they love me, right? Right?!

Executive Committee - Thomas Ave MENSA Club

Clearly, people you can depend on for good advice (cue "Dueling Banjos")

So here we are. You can see a little more progress everyday and that’s all it takes with us silly, optimistic humans. I had one horrific night early in the process when we somehow got behind the power curve on pain killer - something I can assure that you will only let happen once! It's a minimum 3 month recovery so I'm by no means done with it yet but smooth-ish sailing so far.

I gotta mention the clinic staff at Twin Cities Spine and at Abbott NW hospital. Companies - especially health care companies - all claim they care about customer service but these folks actually mean it. Absolutely the best.

Finally, there's this regarding my surgeon. Ever notice that everyone always says they had the best doctor this, the best surgeon that - yada, yada, yada? That’s impossible, of course, everybody can't have the the same procedure with a different doctor and still have the best one - duh! Besides someone had to finish last in every med school class too so there is that.  But I digress. All I know is my guy, Doctor T, put in a full day of surgery and rounds – and he’s no spring chicken - then stopped by with the newspaper that evening and chatted because he remembered I had told him I don’t sleep well unless I read the funnies last thing at night. Try to top that! As a bonus he's a damn fine surgeon. (Of course in some countries, for the kind of money this cost, I could have purchased my very own surgeon - and they would throw in the walker.)

Oh yeah, in case you're curious, all my original symptoms and pains are gone.

So that's my story. What does it all mean?  Well, like so many things in life, perhaps not much. I told my good friend, who shall remain anonymous, (Hint: but lives in Vegas) that I was really bored sitting around recovering. He thought that it would be a great idea to fill my time writing about it and then inflict it on others so you can blame him for this. (With ideas like that it's a wonder he has any friends.)

But maybe there is a morale to the story after all though. If this was 100 yrs or even 50 years ago good old Dougie would probably have had to accept living in pain the rest of his life. I have often said that my generation is the luckiest in the history of the world. That said, then I am the luckiest guy I have ever met or heard of!

Anyway, in the end, life really is like golf . . . 

 . . . Expensive , Time Consuming and Frustrating - so enjoy it when you can!

 Cabo del Sol - Ocean Course   #6

FORE! (hopefully in 3 months)

Recovery Music

Babys    Back on my Feet Again

Babyboomer Presidents

 Baby Boomer Presidents

I’m a baby boomer, as are most of my friends along with about 20% of the American population. You know, this huge group that, as Ken Dychtwald so elegantly put it, is moving through our society like a pig through a python - and many of us are now staring at the tail! Something recently dawned on me. We had four consecutive presidents from my generation (before we backed up one generation for the current one.) That's 28 years of baby boomer presidential leadership: two Democrats, one Republican and an “Other.” Surely, we can draw some conclusions about how they did now.  

So who are these guys?

                        First, Bubba.

 
 If you advertised for the position of baby boomer president, William Jefferson Clinton (young, born 1946) would probably be precisely the kind of person that you would want. From a humble background, he was highly educated, fancied himself a visionary, new age thinker and was a brilliant politician. He out-thought and out-flanked the Republicans at every turn; he was able to defeat a sitting president (who had just won a war, no less!) He did this because he understood how people think and what they want - and made them THINK he could get it for them. He was also lucky - the 90's brought a booming economy (due mostly to demographics - thanks again, boomers!) 

So with a strong economy and budget surpluses he was re-elected with an opportunity to really propel the country into the next millennium on the proper trajectory. Instead . . . he will be remembered more for Monica Lewinsky than his policy brilliance - a YALE-educated lawyer who quibbled over what the meaning of “is” is. 

He was a man who was so morally shallow that he couldn’t manage to keep his most basic urges under wraps until he at least got out of office. Just as Nixon’s Watergate consumed his last 2 years in office, the sex scandal and his impeachment caused Clinton to lose focus on the important issues such as the growth of terrorism and looming income inequality from continuing policies that started under Reagan. Perhaps the worst legacy of his downfall is the damage done to the mindset of the nation’s voters and from that we got our second baby boomer president.

Bill Clinton ended up being an empty suit.

Next Up, W                                                                                                       “W”

                                  .                                     

George W. Bush (Born 1946) After Clinton, Bush was quite a change. He came from political royalty and carried the title of “compassionate conservative” on his sleeve as clearly as his evangelical zeal. In an election against another baby boomer (and Harvard grad, Al Gore) he was the first president in 112 years to lose the popular vote - by 500,000 - but win the electoral college. Despite his somewhat slacker image  his response to 9/11 showed a depth of character that seemed unexpected. In addition, he used his newfound popularity and power to achieve a number of political breakthroughs such as tax cuts (mostly for the rich) and new benefits for seniors - unfortunately, both unfunded. In short, George W Bush, Yale AND Harvard educated, seemed to be the exact opposite - and much more desirable - example of a baby boomer and then . . . the disastrous Iraq war.

As more time passes it’s obvious that his Iraq adventure was the terrible mistake that many of us felt at the time. With the fighting still raging in Afghanistan (another mistake which, 20 years later, is just now ending)  it was wrong in all aspects: wrong time, wrong decision, wrong strategy and wrong execution. On the domestic front two unfunded wars, tax cuts and massive entitlement spending were the beginning of such huge and growing deficits that it became difficult to imagine how we would ever bring them under control (sadly, they’ve only gotten worse.) He encouraged the deregulation of the banks which, of course, would later lead to a deep credit crisis. This series of terrible mistakes may have been a function of his limited capabilities or the people he surrounded himself with - neo-cons and reactionaries - but the results are the same, America’s future became a lot less certain.

Despite all that, George too was still able to get re-elected. Proof of what? You guessed it - American voters are dopes. More proof? The worst recession since the Great Depression and “Great job, Brownie!” on Hurricane Katrina.

Bush too was an empty suit.

                      Hope and Change

Could anyone be more different from Bush than Barack Obama? (Born 1961 - in the US) Actually, more different that Clinton too. Obama came in with great fanfare, the whole hope and change thing; our first black – okay, half black – president.  He was a great (if teleprompted speaker) and a very good politician. After the disaster of the Bush years, he was almost guaranteed to at least look good.

He inherited two wars and a battered economy so he had almost nowhere to go but up and in some ways he probably did as good as he could given the messes he inherited - including the cretinous Mitch McConnell-led Republicans. With the economy in tatters he was kind of in triage mode however it did recover and was in decent shape when handed off to the next boomer president.

  

Yet it is in “leadership” that he failed the most. He came into office with his party in control of all branches and an opportunity to put his “hope and change” theme into action. What do we get? Who continued the wars and Guantanamo detention? Who had his own “surge" in Afghanistan? Who okayed drone attacks on people in foreign countries and approved continued spying on US and allied citizens. Remember: this from a guy who won the Nobel Peace prize!  What the . . .?!

And Obamacare, his “signature” accomplishment, was a healthcare law that was so convoluted, complicated and ineffective (at first) that it almost, ALMOST makes the Republican histrionics about it seem okay.  He could have used his rhetorical skills and charisma to craft something that really would have altered the way we do things but instead took the easy way by allowing the worst kind of sausage making in Congress to get a bill, any bill, passed. (Of course, it turned out far better than the Republicans plan which was zero.) In addition, income inequality grew even more on his watch. And don't get me started on the banking industry – not a single, sociopath banker went to jail or even lost their bonus on his watch. Yowser! 

His record and the country is now that much the worse for it. Yet again a baby boomer president was rewarded with a second term despite a lot of  evidence to the contrary. In many ways Obama was the most disappointing of the lot – until now. I guess, in the end, he was a nice guy and another HARVARD educated lawyer - but also an empty suit.

Fourth Straight Baby Boomer                                                              And Oh Boy!                                                                                    

Finally, it’s not unusual for Americans to elect people (all men so far) to the presidency who are congenitally unqualified for the position - we are nothing if not optimists - but what a doozy Donald J Trump is! (Born 1946) He lost the popular vote - by 3 million this time - and like Bush Jr he too won only by the Electoral College. An extraordinary liar (even by politician’s standards) plagued by the Dunning-Krueger effect, off the scale narcissist, total lack of any sense of morality (again, against the low standards of politicians) and no noticeable ability or interest in management. Oh yeah, and he made George W look like Winston Churchill in speaking ability! Finally, on Jan 6^th he singlehandedly managed to lead an assault on the government in a way not experienced in our 233 years as a republic.

To his credit, he did strike a chord with a large minority of Americans who have felt (rightly) marginalized or forgotten. Sadly, not only did he not help them, he took advantage of their adoration like the grifter he is. Even worse, he imbued them with a distrust of democracy that will plague us for years. Oddly - since it is after all America - he didn’t get re-elected. (No, really, he did NOT get re-elected.)

As a positive he didn't attend Harvard or Yale. (In fact, there's no evidence that he actually went to college.)

His signal achievement was to make all previous presidents – and current one too - look better. 

Empty suit cannot properly describe his presidency.

 

Conclusion: 1946 was a bad year for babyboomers?

Okay, seriously, how are we baby boomer’s doing in our first opportunities to lead the country? Well, I would say so far these guys have done a better job of exposing most of our generation’s worst features rather than our best. Among them: over-educated arrogance, self-centeredness, immature world views and overconfidence in our abilities. 

People sometimes forget that JFK was the first president who was born in the 20^th century. He was far from perfect but he brought youthful energy and a 20^th century mindset to the office. I had high hopes for my generation, that our “best and brightest” would do the same for the 21^st century. I thought we - the luckiest generation in the history of the WORLD - would repay our good fortune by being good stewards of our country. Instead, we decided to pull up the ladder behind us . . . and offered empty suits (or worse) to the country. Great sigh.

Perhaps we can redeem ourselves if we can get a female baby boomer in there, someone that is not an empty suit. (NOTE: this is not a call for Hillary!) But it better be soon or otherwise I guess you're up, Gen Xer’s and good luck.

PS
 And please, no more Ivy League guys – how about UMD or St Cloud State?!

Music to fit the mood . . .

Abraham, Martin and John   Dion

Father's Day and Summer Solstice

  . . . Bad Combo!

Insult to injury for Father's Day?

Father’s Day and the summer solstice, on the same damn day! I wonder if there is a hidden message or meaning to this  . . . "coincidence."

Everyone knows that Father’s Day is the least important of all the made up holidays. Don't believe me? Then how come all the FD greeting cards say, "Dear Dad . . . Who Cares, XoXo?!” Also, you can count on one hand the number of times you see a kid waving and yelling “Hi dad” on tv, it’s always “Hi mom!” And that’s okay, that’s the way it should be, dads are meant to toil in familial obscurity. We can’t compete with a mother’s love so all we can do is try to compete with brute sincerity - and the occasional game of hoops or playing catch. A dad’s love may not make for clever Hallmark cards but that doesn’t make it any less real (just a little less obvious.)

So we get this one day a year to pretend like we are an equal partner in the hearts of our family and what happens? It’s accompanied by the worst day of the year, the summer solstice! Don’t believe me? Think about this:

10:31AM Sun June 20th

Yes, this is just around the corner, pal!

Unlike its winter alter ego which signals the beginning of hope, the summer solstice signals the opposite. Minnesota summer: endless, lazy days with blue skies and puffy, white, fair weather clouds. Days of long, perfect drives down the middle of the fairway and short putts. (Forget that first part. Okay, also the second part.) Of short nights with cool breezes by the lake and the Milky Way shimmering above. Of girls in tank tops and men in speedos. (Now forget that last thing too.) Then, at its peak - and the solstice comes along and robs us of this magic, laughing as it does so and replacing it with the long slide to the depths of winter. Oh, the humanity!

That not bad enough for you? Then think about this: the solstice is always about this same time every year - and has been for, like, a pretty long time - yet someone (Ugly cargo shorts designers or golf club makers?) in the US  invented Father’s Day in 1908 and parked it right next to this lugubrious date. Since nobody cares why not plop it down in August (like Taiwan) or March (like Lichtenstein), or any other months without holidays. Hmmm? 

Exactly - it’s a test! One day a year a dad gains a bit of stature as the other adult in the house – and it’s quickly snuffed out by the gloom that comes with the summer solstice. How will I react to this outrage? Will I snivel and whine about my fate? Will I complain about yet another snub to my male ego? Will I declare the victim-hood I have earned? No, damn it, no! This is where I prove to my family that an American dad can accept the abuse the gods heap on me with the calm and dignity that has made me a legend at every sporting event of my kids; it's evidence that my cluelessness to most domestic dramas is just my way of staying neutral and, finally, proof that offering a clumsy hug is my way of kissing to make it better. It is a test I shall pass with a strong C+!

In any event I wish a Happy Father’s Day to all my fellow dads. We may be overweight and underappreciated but we love and are loved and that will always do. Besides, only six months to the winter solstice!

P.S.

Now that they have officially added the very joyous Juneteenth celebration to this sad PITTS (Point in Time That Sucks) let us hope that the solstice doesn't screw up that holiday too.)  

On a positive note . . .

My Role Model

                                           

Marvelous Marv, the only guy who could foxtrot to anything.

28 years gone and I still miss you very much, pop - you old smoothie!

All of Me   Willie Nelson

Memorial Day 2021 – Celebrating the End of Two Wars

 Part I

Warriors Helping Their Neighbors

Memorial Day this year has special significance, it’s the 50^th anniversary as an official national holiday that is dedicated to honor those who have died in service to their country. As such it is among our most solemn and saddest of holidays. Yet this year there are two great events to actually celebrate. First, after 20 long years, all our troops will finally be home from Afghanistan!

I have shared before my thoughts on the futility and senselessness of nearly all wars and especially this latest one, the longest in our history. (See Part II below) As a retired officer with 28 years of service and a participant in three such wars I feel some license to do so. At the same time, I pay the highest honor to my fellow vets and current members of the military who have sacrificed so much for so long.

Welcome home, troops!

This Memorial Day we have something else to recognize. While we pay homage to those who have served in the military, it is also important this year to remember the thousands of grandparents, parents, siblings, spouses and children who died in a war against a silent, remorseless enemy as deadly as any we have ever fought.

This past year has been a terrible challenge yet it also offered the rest of us a unique chance to step up much as our military does when called. In a very real sense, this past year we civilians were given the opportunity to play a somewhat similar role when we were all called to battle in a once-a-century war. With a few distasteful exceptions, like our military most of us rose to the occasion - and the end of this war is also now in sight!

I want to express my gratitude to my fellow Minnesotans who were trying to do the difficult but right things throughout this terrible ordeal like our troops do. Obviously, it’s not a perfect comparison but, for example, like the troops who face very difficult conditions for years nearly every American family made large and difficult changes that totally upended their lives. Also like our troops, who will do anything to protect their comrades, most of us accepted many new and uncomfortable public behaviors simply to protect our relatives and neighbors. Perhaps more importantly, we had a relatively small group of individuals (many of whom are among our lowest paid workers) who trudged to work in person every day - at great risk to themselves - to feed, clothe and care for us and our most vulnerable citizens. And we can’t forget the countless millions of jobs and businesses across the country that were forfeit in this war - while most of us were able to continue working.

Finally, like those in the military who make the ultimate sacrifice, we too had thousands of healthcare providers who gave their lives while trying to save others. As with the military, there is no sufficient way of repaying them for that sacrifice.

So, on the 50^th anniversary of this usually sad holiday, and even as we mourn those we have lost, there is much to be grateful for. As important, I hope we have all learned – or relearned - an important lesson from this experience. That is, there is always hope if we have patience, perseverance and are willing to sacrifice for a larger cause than self.

Finally, as we bask in the joy that two wars are finally ending, I hope we can keep alive the faint but earnest hope that one day we will no longer need a Memorial Day, at least for wars.

Part II

The Long Endless Line of Fallen Hero's

"Thoughts on Taps." 

I have posted this on several past Memorial Days because I have never been able to find a better expression of my feelings about this sacred day. To those of you that have read it before and grow weary, I apologize. To others, I hope it strikes a chord. 

“War is young men dying and old men talking. You know this. Ignore the politics.”

Odysseus to Achilles in the movie “Troy.”

I can’t listen to Taps and not tear up. It doesn’t matter how many times I hear it I always cry a little. Oddly, I’m not sure sometimes why I’m crying. Is it because of the magnificent mournful sound that so perfectly matches the feeling of saying farewell to a warrior? Or am I crying for all the loved ones left behind – the millions and millions over the years? Sometimes, I think I’m crying for something else; maybe I’m crying for  myself.

That may sound silly, or worse, completely selfish and maybe it is. Yet I can't help the feeling that ultimately I'm crying because Taps reminds me that the world never seems to change for the better. No matter how many heroes - and they are heroes - pay the ultimate price, war always demands more from us. Worse, it is always our young that it craves. Worst of all, we proudly of offer them up.

Maybe I'm sad that someone somewhere will always be able to make complete strangers kill each other for the same reasons over and over. It is like an eternal WWI battle that rages on the same, small piece of ground in perpetuity. This piece of ground is a devastated moral landscape that refuses to learn any lesson that might spare our youth. Instead one generation, like some militant Sisyphus, pushes the rock of war up one side of the hill only to have it roll back on the next. No matter how just, proud or righteous that rock is, it still remains a monument to all the worst aspects of us poor, belligerent humans. That should make us all sad.  

I spent 28 years in the military and my son has also served honorably; I am proud of our time in the service. Someday Taps will be played for both of us but it isn't that which makes me sad. It is knowing that melancholy song will need to be played for endless future generations that will always make me cry. For that I am not ashamed.

A Conversation with the Founding Fathers

 

A sports bar somewhere in Philadelphia

One of my favorite thought exercises is to imagine some of the Founding Fathers visiting modern America to see how we - and their Constitution – are doing. I imagine them all sitting around a sports bar in Philly shooting the breeze. They couldn't all make it but there’s James Madison, Alexander Hamilton, William Patterson, Ben Franklin, John Rutledge, Charles Pinckney and John Jay. (You'll note that they've also picked up some modern lingo.) 

Hamilton, always the wag, said, “Wow, if we had a place like this to drink at night in 1787 we might not have gotten anything done!”

“Or maybe we would have done an even better job.” opined Rutledge.

The always-studious Madison replied, “Well, we must have done alright, they’re still using it 234 years later.”

“Yes, but did you see that little soiree on Jan.6^th” asked Ben Franklin? “That was just too damn close!”

Hamilton responded, “We always knew it could happen if the wrong person became president - and it wouldn’t have if the Electoral College had worked as we originally intended (he, he, he - even if it was a little undemocratic!)”

John Jay adds, “Right, Alex, the Electoral College was there to assure the "right people" wouldn't allow someone like that last guy to get elected but it hasn't worked properly since it failed right after George retired in 1801. We should have just gotten rid of damn thing but noooo, we had to try and save it with the 12th amendment - clearly THAT didn't work."

"I  guess not!" said Madison, "One old guy wins by 7 million votes but if the other old guy got another hundred thousand votes in a just a few states he would have won - and it could have caused another civil war! Boy, we really goofed that up. Speaking of elections and the states, that's another thing we left to them foolishly assuming they would have the best interests of their citizens in mind." 

"Yeah, right!" Hamilton added,  "Like most other issues left to the states it's all about party politics now and not their citizens. I told you we shouldn't have given them so much power - what a pain in the butt they are!" 

"And look what's happened to some of our other great ideas.” Pinckney added, "I don’t recognize a lot of the things we created.”  

“Well, Chuck," John Rutledge pointed out, "I don’t recognize our country! None of us envisioned a U.S. with 330 million people across the whole continent mostly in cities with so many different races, religions, languages, jobs and ideas - our constitution was bound to adjust. It's just too bad we made it so difficult to change it - another goof?”

“Yup.” replied Bill Patterson, "And how about our 1^st Amendment freedom of speech now? Apparently, they think money equals free speech - the more money you give the more free speech you get!" 

“I know, even more bizarre now, corporations are “people,” Pinckney added, "and can contribute just like actual humans - or so says their Supreme Court. How did those justices get this nonsense from what we wrote? Originalists indeed!"  

"So, is this what you were thinking, James, when we said people must have the right to freedom of speech?" asked John Jay. 

“No, definitely not what I had in mind," said Madison, " it's preposterous! And apparently we were very naïve to think that people would run for office just to serve our country and not for a career." 

"Right, so now politicians need to beg for money to get elected - a lot of money!" added Patterson. "Speaking of politicians, if we knew that all these Congress critters would turn it into lucrative 30 or 40 year careers we would have had term limits - yet another thing I wish we would have thought of."

"And," James adds, "it reminds me that we also really screwed up with Article III in the first place. Having the justices serve for life and not staggering their terms like the senate was a terrible idea. Look what’s happened now, yet another political football - what were we thinking?!”

“Same with religion, Jim, said Old Ben, “Patrick (Henry) would be happy to see that some folks are still trying to officially impose Christianity on society like he tried in Virginia. This when we explicitly did not want ANY national religion but simply protect everyone’s right to one. Sheesh.”

“Okay, who’s going to take the rap for the 2^nd amendment?" asked Madison. "I’m telling you, guys, I’m not to blame for the mess they've got going on in our United States today with guns. It’s Jay’s fault, the dope edited it wrong. It was supposed to say: "A well-regulated militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of its members to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed upon."   What a difference punctuation makes! Besides, it should have been obvious we didn’t want every yahoo in the country to have any weapon they wanted - my God, we didn’t even trust them to vote!”

It got quiet around the table; James Madison was swishing around his Sam Adams beer. Finally, he said, “I guess we all have something to apologize for regarding the slavery issue. I never dreamed that it would still be causing so much pain 230 years later.”

“What were we to do, James?” said Rutledge. “There was no way to get the slave states to go along without allowing slavery and the 3/5 agreement. I mean, we had to make a lot of ugly compromises but we did what we had to do to get a constitution.”

Still, Madison lamented, “We all know Tom’s beautiful Declaration of Independence by heart:  We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. What a load of manure! Even most of us slave owners knew slavery was wrong. We should NOT have agreed to let it stand and damn the consequences. Founding Fathers indeed – Founding Hypocrites!”

                                                       Founding Fathers - Ready to head out to the tavern                                                                                                                       (Ignore Thomas Jefferson, he wasn't involved in the Constitution) 

Hamilton gently pats Madison’s shoulder and says, “Yes, we screwed that up, Jim, but they are working on it and I know they’ll finally figure it out.” He adds, “We have to believe that or everything we did was for nothing." 

Quietly Ben Franklin adds, "Maybe 2021 will be the big step forward." 

With that Madison snaps out of his funk and says "I'll drink to that. Barkeep, another round – and put it on Franklin’s tab!”

Look on the Brightside - With Music

Mrs Dear Leader and I each have a friend who is in hospice, friends of many years. Having also lost two of my closest buddies of over forty years just in the last year alone I think I can say, this really sucks. In fact, life has been tough for a lot of people the last few years and it's easy to get down about it. There's another way to think about this though. As difficult as it is, sad events like this should make us realize, no, remember that life is precious. Yup, we have a lot problems maybe individually and certainly as a country but you know what?  If you’re still vertical then things aren’t so bad and there's always hope. Nobody has ever called me a Pollyanna but maybe we could stop whining and realize how lucky we are? Okay, end of sermon. 

With that said it’s time to embrace the sweet fragrance of spring in Minnesota. The days are getting longer, golf courses are opening, lakes are turning from white to blue - can flip flops and sun dresses be far behind? Best of all, unlike last year there’s real hope that life is slowly returning to normal (whatever that is.)

I’ve always said that there’s nothing like music to be your personal time machine. (You can ask anyone, really, I have always said that.) Music will take you back to exactly where you were and what you were doing when you heard the song  - and just lived for the day.  I suggest you just do that, look for a favorite song from past and go there. Go ahead, give it a try.

Here’s a bunch of summer music (and other tunes with good memories) along with my recollections for your consideration. I apologize for how old most of these songs are but like most people I quit paying attention in my 30’s so these are what I know. Hopefully you’re old enough to remember at least some of them.

Pick a couple to play or find your own and ask yourself where you were then. Bet it’s a happy place!

Summer Song, Chad and Jeremy – 1964  

Holy mackerel, it’s true, a driver’s license and girls don’t mix.

Summer in the City, Lovin Spoonful - 1966    

Hot damn, they let me graduate from high school!

59th St Bridge Song  Simon & Garfunkel – 1967     

Spring quarter freshman year down on Park Point in Duluth. Listening to this it was very hard to not skip across that Aerial Lift bridge.

Hot Fun in the Summer Time, Sly and Family Stone – 1969    

Between my junior and senior year in college, road trip with three other cadets (French for idiots) to ROTC summer camp in Spokane WA - legally drinking beer and listening to Sly (and Steppenwolf!)

Green-Eyed Lady, Sugarloaf – 1970 

My God, can it be over 50 years since they let me graduate from college AND gave me those brown bars? I wandered off to AF navigator school in the divorce capital of the country, Sacramento - yowser! This song seemed always to be playing as I was nodding off in my radar scope every time before takeoff on early morning training flt's – that sort of fluke kinda sticks with you.

Summer Breeze  (Possibly the greatest summer song – and video – ever done.) Seals and Croft – 1972

I was just starting AF career, flying around the world in the giant, globe-girdling C-130 without a care in the world. In some officer's club in Turkey the pilot, Johhny Mac, taught the young lieutenant navigator to love martini's - bastard! Anyway, a very good year (except for a little detour to Vietnam.)

Piano Man Billy Joel – 1973 

Back to SEA and Thailand accompanied by the Piano Man – “There’s someplace he’d rather be. . .” Still, it all worked out.

Find Your Place in the Sun Pablo Cruise – 1978   

Turning thirty was such a drag - says the old guy 43yrs later! - but at least there was still really good music.

We Are Family  Sister Sledge – 1979

Okay, it’s disco but good disco – and nice way to introduce our son to the family.

Hey Nineteen  Steely Dan – 1980

Well, if I’m going to welcome a daughter to family too what better than possibly the greatest music group ever, The Dan!

Walking on Sunshine Katrina and the Waves – 1983  

If you can sit still while this is playing there is something seriously wrong with you – especially if you have two young kids!

Boys of Summer (Close 2^nd to “Summer Breeze”) Don Henley – 1984   

A family man and inching closer to being one of Henley’s boys of summer. (FYI - It’s actually a sad song but it’s still great tune.)

Smooth Santana   Rob Thomas -1999  

"Give me your heart, make it real or else forget about it" Got my MA and met future Mrs Dear Leader - it was very good year.

And to at least get into the 21^st century and prove there’s still great music - and memories - out there.

Clocks  Coldplay - 2002

Hall of Fame The Script - 2012 (You gotta see this video)

Well, I could suggest a ton more of good songs but it’s time to do something functional – like study for our Italian class. (Yeah, Buon giorno to you too!)

Okay, one more. Since we’re reminiscing, we might as well end with this - what the hell, enjoy it while you can!

It Was a Very Good Year, Frank Sinatra

Star Tribune Articles - Voter Suppression Mar 7 Trump Still Controls GOP Mar 8 2021

 

 Perhaps It's an Illness

Clearly something is not right with a huge group of our fellow citizens who cling to the coat tails of a known liar and seditionist. And now, apparently since democracy isn’t working for them, they also want to restrict the right to vote.

I read the article about the Republicans nationwide working hard to make voting “safe from fraud” and, like many people who actually care about democracy and the right to vote, I was outraged. After further consideration, I believe they are still wrong but I now think they deserve at least a little understanding; even before they allowed themselves to be hijacked by that corrupt, east coast grifter they had some mental health issues.

Starting with St Ronny Reagan with his assault on unions and goofy trickledown economics, they began to drift off the road of being a functional political party. Aided by guys like Newt Gingrich and Trump, they are so far off road now that it seems unlikely they will survive without some sort of major intervention. Don’t get me wrong, Democrats don’t have all the answers. In fact, they really need a strong opposition party to keep them from heading down the rabbit hole of their dumbest ideas. Sadly, that is not today’s Republicans. Luckily, I think I know what’s wrong with the Republicans. Among several issues, it’s a condition called Munchausen by Proxy. Bear with me.

This is a very real and rare disease - at least outside of Republican circles - where the afflicted individual causes some sort of injury to someone close to them so that they can turn around and be recognized as a caregiver or savior for that person. Now I ask you, how else would you describe the recent odd behavior in which Republicans have circulated a ridiculous story (created by said liar) and repeated it over and over (with a riot or two thrown in) thus causing great concern among certain people whom they can now “save” by restricting the vote to only those they deem eligible? Yup, Munchausen. (Although that sounds better than what it really is, voter suppression.)

According to experts, “Caregivers who have this condition need long-term counseling. They may resist treatment or deny that there is a problem" (Duh!) So, how can we help our Republican friends recover from this problem? It seems the kindest thing we can do is give them plenty of time for therapy. In turn, the easiest way to do that is by voting them out of office so they won't have the burden of actual governance while in treatment (which, given their record the last several years, should be fairly easy for them.) Republicans are very fortunate here in Minnesota because we can help them. Sadly, people are not so lucky in the red states where they are doomed to continue living in the 18th century until the voters wise up - or a lot of old white guys pass on.   

As for treatment, it might be challenging for them but I would suggest a ten-step program that covers at least: democracies, the Voting Rights Act and human empathy. (Maybe the Constitution but with focus on other amendments besides the Second.)

I wish them good luck and many years of therapy ahead.